Teach Your Children To Reject You

Children should be taught to reject their parents’ views—not out of disrespect, but to develop their own thinking and independence. Blind trust leads to rigidity and outdated beliefs that hold children back. In today’s fast-changing world, parents must let go and encourage questioning and honest dialogue. This approach builds real respect and prepares children to live their own lives, not repeat their parents’ past. Read this essay to understand why teaching your child to reject you is the best way to help them grow.

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Parenting in India is often seen as a sacred duty — to guide, protect, and pass on wisdom from one generation to the next. We expect our children to trust us, respect us, and follow the paths we walked. But what if that trust, when absolute and unquestioning, becomes a trap? What if the very act of trusting a parent’s views without question dooms a child to live out a past that no longer fits their time?

The truth is harsh but necessary: parenting isn’t about creating mini-versions of yourself or handing down unchanging truths. The world changes fast — new technologies, shifting values, economic pressures, and social dynamics create realities parents never imagined. The views and ways that helped a parent succeed in their youth can become rigid chains that hold a child back.

In India, respect for elders is deeply ingrained, and questioning parents is often discouraged. But respect should not mean blind obedience. True respect means listening, valuing, and even disagreeing when needed. If a child trusts a parent’s views absolutely, without space to reject or rethink, they risk repeating mistakes, living with outdated ideas, and losing their own sense of self.

This essay argues for a radical but necessary idea: parents should teach their children to reject them. Not out of rebellion or disrespect, but out of necessity — to reject what no longer fits, to question what is rigid, and to trust their own instincts and times. Only then can children grow, adapt, and thrive in the world they inherit, not the world their parents lived in.

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1. The Generational Gap: Living in Different Times

Every generation lives in a different world. This is simple but often forgotten. Parents grew up with one set of rules, one economy, one culture. Children grow up with a completely different set. This gap is not just about age — it is about time itself.

In India, this change has never been faster or more intense. The India of the 1980s or 1990s, where many parents grew up, was very different. There were limited career options, fewer technologies, stricter social norms, and clear expectations. Being an engineer, doctor, or government employee was the safest and most respected path. Social behavior was formal; questioning elders was rare.

Today’s India is different. The internet, smartphones, global exposure, startups, social media, and changing social attitudes have transformed life. Children face pressures their parents never imagined — gig economies, creative careers, instant information, new social challenges. Jobs that were secure before may no longer exist. The old ways of thinking don’t always work.

For example, a parent might have succeeded by following a traditional academic path and securing a government job. But their child may find passion and success in digital marketing, freelancing, or content creation — careers that require different skills, attitudes, and risks. If the child blindly trusts the parent’s views on what a “good job” is, they may struggle or lose confidence in themselves.

Similarly, social values around marriage, gender roles, and lifestyle have shifted. What was acceptable or expected twenty years ago may feel restrictive or irrelevant today. Children need to live in their time, not their parents’ time.

Understanding this generational gap is the first step for parents. The child’s world is not wrong or worse — it is just different. Accepting this difference, without trying to force old views, is crucial for healthy growth.

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Examples of Generational Gap in Indian Context

1. Career Expectations:

Parents from the 1980s–90s often saw government jobs, engineering, or medicine as the only respectable and stable careers. Many children today pursue careers in digital marketing, app development, content creation, or entrepreneurship — fields their parents might not understand or approve of initially.

2. Education and Success Metrics:

Parents might equate success with marks and degrees from prestigious colleges (IIT, AIIMS, etc.). Children face a more complex world where soft skills, creativity, and networking can be equally or more important than academic scores.

3. Marriage and Relationships:

Arranged marriages within the same caste or community were the norm. Today’s youth often prioritize love marriages, inter-caste unions, or delayed marriage to focus on personal growth — choices parents may find hard to accept.

4. Use of Technology:

Parents grew up without smartphones or the internet. For children, online social networks, remote work, and digital communication are natural parts of life. Parents may distrust or misunderstand these platforms, causing friction.

5. Gender Roles:

Traditional expectations often placed rigid roles on men and women. Daughters were expected to marry early and prioritize household duties. Sons were expected to be the primary earners. Today, gender roles are more fluid, and many children challenge these outdated norms.

6. Lifestyle and Consumption:

Parents may have valued frugality and saving, shaped by scarcity and slower economic growth. Children live in a consumer-driven economy with instant gratification, access to global brands, and diverse lifestyles.

7. Language and Cultural Practices:

Parents might insist on native languages (Kannada, Hindi, Tamil) and traditional festivals as the center of life. Children may grow up bilingual or multilingual, exposed to global culture, and might connect differently to cultural rituals.

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2. The Danger of Blind Trust: Rigidity and Repetition

When children accept their parents’ views without question, they often fall into the trap of rigidity. This means sticking to ideas, habits, and expectations that may no longer serve them or fit their environment. Blind trust turns into a chain that limits growth, creativity, and true understanding.

In Indian families, this blind trust often shows up as unquestioned obedience. Children follow career paths chosen by parents, marry as directed, and live by inherited social norms — sometimes at the cost of their own happiness and potential. Over time, this creates a cycle where old mistakes and outdated beliefs repeat generation after generation.

For example, when a child chooses a career just to satisfy parental expectations, they might feel trapped, anxious, or disconnected. Their potential remains unfulfilled, and they may even resent their parents. Yet, because of blind trust, they hesitate to challenge these expectations.

Social rigidity also impacts mindset. If parents believe “this is how things have always been done,” children may never learn to question or innovate. This creates resistance to change not only in individuals but also in communities.

The repetition of patterns is visible everywhere — from family disputes, gender roles, to financial habits. Without the space to reject and rethink, children become carriers of outdated ideas rather than creators of new possibilities.

To break this cycle, it is essential for children to develop critical thinking and the courage to question. Blind trust is comfortable but dangerous; adaptability and self-trust are what allow growth.

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Examples of Rigidity and Repetition in Indian Families

1. Career Choices:

A child studies engineering despite lacking interest, simply because parents see it as a “safe” or “respectable” job. This leads to frustration and underperformance.

2. Marriage Decisions:

Families insist on marrying within caste and religion, even when the child wants otherwise, causing secret relationships or family conflicts.

3. Gender Expectations:

Daughters are expected to prioritize household duties after marriage, even if they want to continue working or pursue higher education.

4. Financial Habits:

Families hold tightly to the idea of saving everything and avoiding risks, even when investing or entrepreneurship might offer better opportunities.

5. Social Behavior:

Children are discouraged from expressing opinions or emotions openly because “that’s not how we behave,” limiting their emotional growth.

6. Cultural Practices:

Parents insist on following every ritual strictly, even if children feel disconnected or question their relevance.

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3. Respect vs Obedience: Redefining Indian Parenting

In Indian culture, respect for elders is deeply valued and taught from childhood. “Respect your elders” is often one of the first lessons a child learns. But over time, this respect frequently gets confused with blind obedience. Respect should be earned and reciprocal, not demanded or forced.

Obedience without understanding creates a power imbalance that can stifle a child’s voice and development. When children fear to question or disagree, they lose the chance to develop critical thinking and self-confidence. Respect, on the other hand, means listening carefully to each other, even if opinions differ.

True respect involves acknowledging a child’s views as valid, regardless of their age. It means creating space for honest conversations where children can express doubts and disagreements without fear of punishment or shame.

Many Indian families struggle with this distinction. Children are expected to follow parental orders as a sign of respect, but this can backfire. Without dialogue and mutual respect, the parent-child relationship becomes fragile and rigid, and children may grow distant or rebellious in secret.

Encouraging respect over obedience means parents must also reflect on their own attitudes. They need to practice humility, admit mistakes, and be willing to learn from their children. This creates a two-way street where respect flows both ways and builds trust.

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Examples of Respect vs Obedience in Indian Families

A. The Silent Dinner Table:

In many homes, children are expected to eat in silence and accept whatever food is served without complaint. Questioning or expressing preferences is seen as disrespectful.

B. Career Conversations:

Parents announce career plans for their child without discussion, assuming obedience equals respect, while the child’s own dreams remain unheard.

C. Religious Rituals:

Children are expected to participate in rituals without understanding or interest, simply because elders say so. Questioning these practices is considered disrespectful.

D. Language and Communication:

Children are told not to argue or “talk back” to elders, shutting down any chance for healthy debate or expressing opinions.

E. Disciplinary Measures:

Physical punishment or strict rules are used to enforce obedience, often justified as teaching respect.

F. Educational Decisions:

Parents make all decisions about schools, tutors, and subjects, without involving children in the conversation.

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4. Teaching Adaptability: Trust in Change, Not Fixed Ideas

The world today is unpredictable and fast-changing. In such a world, adaptability is the most important skill a child can learn. Instead of trusting fixed ideas or rigid rules passed down from parents, children must learn to trust their own ability to change, adjust, and grow.

Parents often hold tightly to their own beliefs because they worked for them. But teaching a child to accept these beliefs as absolute can leave them unprepared for new realities. Instead, parents should model adaptability by showing openness to new information, admitting mistakes, and being willing to change their opinions.

Trusting change means encouraging children to explore, experiment, and even fail — knowing that these experiences build resilience and wisdom. It means helping children develop critical thinking skills and the confidence to make decisions in unfamiliar situations.

In India, where social and economic shifts happen rapidly, adaptability is essential. Children face pressures from global competition, evolving cultural norms, and new technologies. Parents who teach adaptability equip their children not just to survive, but to thrive.

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Examples of Teaching Adaptability in Indian Families

1. Career Flexibility:

A parent encourages a child who wants to shift from engineering to graphic design, supporting the exploration rather than insisting on a fixed career path.

2. Language Learning:

Parents support their child learning English alongside the mother tongue, understanding the importance of bilingual skills in today’s world.

3. Changing Traditions:

Families adapt rituals to fit modern lifestyles—celebrating festivals in simplified forms or involving children in deciding how to observe customs.

4. Technology Use:

Parents learn from their children about new apps, social media, or online education, showing openness instead of resistance.

5. Handling Failure:

When a child fails an exam or a project, parents use it as a learning moment, encouraging persistence rather than punishment.

6. Social Views:

Parents listen and engage respectfully when children question gender roles or social expectations, instead of shutting down the conversation.

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5. Rejecting to Grow: The Power of Conscious Rejection

Rejecting your parents’ views might sound like rebellion or disrespect. But it is neither. It is a necessary step for growth and independence. Conscious rejection means evaluating the ideas, values, and habits passed down, and deciding which still serve you and which must be left behind.

In Indian families, children often face strong emotional pressure to conform. Rejecting parental views is sometimes seen as betrayal or disrespect. But without this rejection, children risk losing their identity and becoming trapped in outdated ways.

Rejecting with respect means saying, “I hear and understand what you taught me, but I choose a different path because it fits my time and life better.” This mature stance strengthens relationships by creating space for honest dialogue rather than silent obedience.

Many families who practice conscious rejection find a new level of trust and understanding. Parents learn to accept change, and children gain confidence in their choices.

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Examples of Conscious Rejection in Indian Families

a. A young woman chooses a love marriage outside her caste despite family pressure, explaining her decision calmly and respectfully.

b. A son refuses to take up the family business and instead pursues a startup idea, maintaining respect while asserting independence.

c. Teenagers question strict dress codes or social behavior expected at home and negotiate compromises rather than outright defiance.

d. Children openly discuss mental health issues, challenging the stigma their parents grew up with.

e. Families rethink rigid festival rituals, allowing children to decide how much and in what way to participate.

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6. Balancing Roots and Wings: Keeping Values, Letting Go of Rigidity

Every child needs roots to stay grounded and wings to fly freely. In Indian families, values passed down through generations—like honesty, respect, hard work, and kindness—form the roots. These values remain important and timeless.

But the ways these values are expressed or practiced often need to change. Holding onto rituals, customs, or expectations rigidly can weigh children down. True parenting means helping children keep the essence of family values while adapting their expressions to fit the present.

Letting go of rigidity means parents accept that their children will live differently. It means resisting the urge to control every detail and trusting that the core values will carry through, even if the forms change.

This balance protects children from falling into consumerism or mindless living because values guide their choices. At the same time, it frees them to innovate, explore, and shape their own lives authentically.

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Examples of Balancing Roots and Wings in Indian Families

A. Parents teach the value of respect but allow children to question how respect is shown, like preferring honest conversations over silent obedience.

B. Families celebrate festivals but simplify rituals to fit modern schedules and children’s interests, making celebrations meaningful rather than burdensome.

C. Children are encouraged to work hard but also to pursue hobbies and rest, avoiding burnout that rigid ‘success’ pressures cause.

D. Parents insist on honesty but understand that children may express it differently, such as through digital creativity or social causes.

E. Families maintain strong ties and traditions but allow children to live independently, even if it means moving to a new city or country.

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7. The Hard Truth: If Your Child Trusts You Completely, They’re Doomed

It is a difficult truth to accept, but if your child trusts you without question, without the ability to reject or rethink your views, they are doomed. Not doomed because of you as a parent, but because the world they live in is different from yours.

Absolute trust without space for challenge means children carry your mistakes, your blind spots, and your outdated ideas into their future. They lose their chance to become independent thinkers. They risk repeating the same errors, trapped in a past that no longer exists.

In India, many families see this trust as the highest form of love and respect. But love that demands obedience rather than growth is a cage. Real love teaches freedom. Real parenting teaches children to question, to reject, to adapt, and above all, to trust themselves.

The best gift you can give your child is not your fixed views but the courage and freedom to reject you — with respect — and build their own life. That is the foundation of true resilience, wisdom, and happiness.

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Conclusion: Parenting for the Future — Teaching to Reject and to Trust Self

Parenting is not about creating copies of ourselves. It is about preparing our children to live in a world we cannot fully predict or control. This means teaching them to question, to reject what no longer serves, and to trust their own instincts and judgments.

In India’s fast-changing society, this approach is both necessary and urgent. Respect for elders remains important, but respect must be balanced with openness and dialogue. Children need the freedom to explore, make mistakes, and grow beyond the limits of past generations.

By teaching your child to reject you — not as an act of defiance, but as an essential part of growth — you give them the greatest gift: independence and resilience. You build a relationship based on trust, respect, and mutual learning.

This is difficult. It requires humility from parents and courage from children. But it is the only way to break cycles of rigidity, outdated beliefs, and misplaced trust. It is the way forward for families and society.

Teach your child to reject you. Teach them to trust themselves. In that freedom lies their strength, and your success as a parent.

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REJECTING PARENTS IS A SIGN OF MATURITY

-- a dialogue with Madhukar

Characters:

Madhukar – The natural healer and guide

Ramesh – Father, cautious and traditional

Lalitha – Mother, caring but anxious

Anil – Teenage son, 16 years old

Maya – Teenage daughter, 14 years old

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Scene: Madhukar’s quiet home in a leafy Bengaluru neighborhood. Early morning light filters through the window. The family sits together, a little tense but open.

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Ramesh: (nervously) Madhukarji, we’ve called you because we’re worried. Anil and Maya—they don’t listen like before. They question everything we say. It feels like they are rejecting us, our values. Is this… normal? Should we be afraid?

Madhukar: (calmly) Ramesh, Lalitha, thank you for being honest. Tell me, what do you feel when your children reject your views?

Lalitha: It hurts. It feels like we’re losing control, losing respect. We want what’s best for them. How can they choose differently?

Madhukar: I understand. You want to protect them, and that is natural. But let me ask—what do you mean by “losing control”?

Ramesh: We mean they may go wrong, make mistakes, get influenced by bad things outside. If they don’t follow us, who will guide them?

Madhukar: That fear is common. But tell me, when you were their age, did you follow your parents’ views without question?

Lalitha: No, not always. We had our own thoughts, but we didn’t openly reject them.

Madhukar: And when you didn’t question, did you grow fully as your own person?

Ramesh: Maybe not. But we didn’t have much choice then.

Madhukar: That’s important. You grew in a different time, where questioning was difficult, but the world was also slower, less complex. Today, Anil and Maya face a world that changes quickly. Their challenges are different.

Maya: (quietly) But sometimes we feel trapped. When we want to explain why we think differently, it feels like we disappoint you.

Lalitha: That’s because we want to protect you.

Madhukar: Protection is love, yes. But protection does not mean control. Imagine if you had been allowed to reject some ideas respectfully—would you have grown stronger?

Ramesh: Perhaps. But isn’t rejection dangerous? They could pick wrong paths.

Madhukar: Rejection is a tool—not a problem. When used consciously, it helps children build their judgment. Without it, they might accept harmful ideas just because they come from parents.

Anil: So you’re saying it’s okay for us to reject you?

Madhukar: Not to reject out of anger or disrespect, but to question and choose what fits your life today. This is how you grow wisdom and confidence.

Lalitha: But how do we know if their rejection is good or bad?

Madhukar: By listening deeply. When children explain their reasons calmly, they invite dialogue, not conflict. Encourage that. When rejection is thoughtful, it strengthens trust.

Ramesh: It feels like we have to let go of something.

Madhukar: Yes, letting go of control is hard. But you gain something greater—children who can stand firm in their own lives.

Maya: And still love us?

Madhukar: Love is not obedience. Love is respect, trust, and freedom. When you teach your children to reject you consciously, you teach them to love honestly.

Anil: I want to be trusted to make my own choices, even if they’re different.

Lalitha: We want that too, but it scares us.

Madhukar: Fear is natural. But with patience and open hearts, this can become a new kind of family strength. One where each person grows, learns, and supports.

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Scene continues in Madhukar’s home, later in the conversation:

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Ramesh: Madhukarji, let me be honest. Anil wants to study animation instead of engineering. We had planned engineering for him—stable job, good future. How do we accept this?

Anil: (calmly) Baba, animation is my passion. I’ve learned skills online, and I believe I can build a career. But you don’t seem to trust that.

Madhukar: Ramesh, do you see how Anil is expressing his choice thoughtfully, not rebelling? He is asking for your trust in his judgment, not just dismissing yours.

Ramesh: But animation? Is it respected? Will it provide security?

Madhukar: Times have changed. New industries and careers have emerged that didn’t exist when you were young. What was once “safe” may no longer guarantee security. Would you rather Anil pursue a passion he believes in, or a path he resents?

Lalitha: We want him to succeed, but what if he fails?

Madhukar: Failure is a teacher, not a disaster. If Anil fails, he learns resilience and can adjust. If he never tries, he will always wonder “what if.”

Maya: (nervously) And what about social life? You expect me to behave in certain ways—no late nights, no friends you don’t know. But my friends are different, more open-minded. You call that “bad influence.”

Lalitha: We only want to protect you from trouble.

Madhukar: Protection is important, but too much control can isolate a child. Trust grows when children know parents respect their social choices and boundaries. It’s better to set guidelines through conversation than strict orders.

Ramesh: But how do we know when to step in?

Madhukar: Watch for respect, responsibility, and honesty. If Maya is open about her life and you feel included rather than shut out, you can guide her gently rather than impose rules.

Anil: Technology is another issue. You often say we spend too much time on phones or social media, but that’s how we learn and connect. You don’t understand.

Madhukar: Technology is a double-edged sword. It can isolate or connect, distract or educate. Instead of banning or blaming, parents can engage with children about what they do online. This builds trust and understanding.

Lalitha: We try, but it feels like a language barrier sometimes.

Madhukar: Then ask questions with curiosity, not accusation. Show willingness to learn from your children. They can teach you much about the world they live in.

Ramesh: It feels like we are losing authority.

Madhukar: You are losing control, yes. But you are gaining respect and a stronger relationship. Authority based on fear or silence is fragile. Authority based on trust and dialogue is lasting.

Maya: So rejecting your views is not disrespect?

Madhukar: No. It is a healthy sign that your children are growing into their own selves. Accept it as part of their journey—and yours.

Anil: What if we make mistakes?

Madhukar: Everyone makes mistakes. The difference is learning and adapting. You don’t have to have all answers. Being open to change is itself strength.

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Scene continues: Practical advice from Madhukar and children’s inner voices

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Madhukar: Ramesh, Lalitha, change is never easy — especially in families. But there are small habits you can start right now that build trust and make space for your children’s growth.

Lalitha: Please tell us. We want to do better, but sometimes we don’t know where to start.

Madhukar: First, create regular moments of open conversation without judgment. For example, set aside 20 minutes after dinner to just listen — no advice, no corrections, just listen to what Anil and Maya are thinking and feeling.

Ramesh: That sounds simple but hard. Sometimes their ideas upset us.

Madhukar: Exactly why you must practice patience. Remember, the goal is not agreement every time, but to show you value their voice. This builds respect.

Lalitha: What about when their choices seem risky or wrong? Should we intervene?

Madhukar: Intervene when safety or health is at risk. Otherwise, ask questions: “What made you decide this?” “How do you plan to handle challenges?” Help them think through consequences without imposing your answer.

Ramesh: And technology? How can we bridge the gap there?

Madhukar: Learn together. Ask Anil and Maya to teach you about the apps or games they use. Make it a shared experience. This breaks down barriers and shows you trust their world.

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Later, Maya speaks softly as the others listen.

Maya: Sometimes, I feel like I have to hide things. Like if I say what I really think, I’ll disappoint you. It’s lonely.

Anil: Yeah, and when you say no to something, it feels like a battle. I don’t want to fight, but I also don’t want to lose myself.

Madhukar: Those feelings are very common. Children want to be seen and accepted for who they are, not just who their parents want them to be. That’s why rejection feels painful on both sides.

Lalitha: How can we make it less painful?

Madhukar: By practicing empathy — try to see the world from their eyes. A teenager’s world is full of new pressures and confusing choices. Acknowledge their struggles without minimizing them.

Ramesh: I sometimes worry we’re failing as parents.

Madhukar: Parenting is not about perfection. It’s about presence. Being there, listening, and learning together. You’re not failing by letting go — you’re growing as parents too.

Maya: It helps when you ask, “How do you feel?” instead of “Why did you do that?”

Anil: And when you don’t jump in to fix everything, but trust us to try.

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The family sits quietly, a new understanding forming.

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Teach Your Child to Reject You

Teach your child to reject you—

not with fury, not with spite,

but with clear eyes that know

the world they step into

is not the one you walked before.

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You gave them your hands,

your voice, your maps, your fears—

all worn, all heavy with time.

But the roads ahead twist and turn

where your maps end in dust.

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If they trust you blindly,

they carry your chains like gold,

and those chains will weigh them down

in a world that demands wings.

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Teach them to say no,

not to hurt, but to grow.

To break the jars you held dear

and build new ones from fresh clay.

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Teach them to question your prayers,

the old songs you sang at dusk,

the rules you carved in stone—

because your stones will crack

in the new rains.

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Teach them to reject the safety

of your fears, your settled ways—

the smallness you called caution,

the silence you called peace.

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Because the world they live in

is a storm of change—

where ideas fly like birds

and nothing stays still.

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Teach them to stumble, to fall,

to scrape knees on sharp stones,

to bleed and rise again—

for every fall writes a story

no book can teach.

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Teach them to trust themselves

when the night grows dark,

when your voice fades in distance,

when the paths split like rivers

and the compass breaks.

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If your child trusts you too much,

they become shadows—

living in echoes,

bound by echoes,

unable to step into light.

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But if they learn to reject you,

to say no with respect,

to carve their own yes—

they become fire,

wild and bright,

warming their own world.

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Teach your child that love

is not holding tight,

but letting go with faith—

faith that what you planted

will grow in its own way.

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Teach them to challenge,

to push back gently,

to speak when silence suffocates,

to fight when fairness calls.

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Teach them to reject you

not to break you,

but to build themselves.

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Teach them that mistakes

are not failures,

but stones on the path—

each one necessary,

each one a lesson.

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Teach them to hold their ground

and yet bend with the wind—

to be strong roots and soft wings—

to balance the old and new,

to honor the past

and own the future.

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Teach them that respect

does not mean surrender,

and obedience is not love.

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Teach them that the greatest respect

is earned through trust,

and the deepest love

is found in freedom.

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Teach your child to reject you—

and in that rejection,

you teach them to trust life,

to trust themselves,

to trust love beyond fear.

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Because love is never chains,

never silence,

never shadows.

Love is the courage

to step into the unknown,

to build a world

you cannot yet see.

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So teach your child to reject you—

with kindness,

with patience,

with hope.

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And watch them become

something you never dreamed—

but something you will always

deeply, fiercely love.

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Hello Seeker,

If my words or work have helped you heal, think, or simply slow down for a moment,

I’ll be grateful if you choose to support me.

I live simply and work quietly, offering my time and knowledge freely to those who seek it.

Your contribution—no matter how small or big — helps me keep doing this work without distraction.

Your contributions will be anonymous (secret).

You can pay using any UPI app on my ID - madhukar.dama@ybl

Thank you

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