SUFFOCATING FAMILIES
- Madhukar Dama
- May 3
- 3 min read
INTRODUCTION
It looks like love.
It sounds like duty.
It smells like incense and curry.
But inside, it is airless.
No space to breathe.
No right to question.
No freedom to fall or rise.
We were taught that the family protects you.
But in reality, most Indian families imprison you.
And the cage is made of care.
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PART 1: THE WALLS OF LOVE ARE BUILT TOO TIGHT
1. Overprotection is Overcontrol
You can’t go out alone.
You can’t sleep late.
You can’t talk back.
You can’t say no.
And when you do — you’ve broken their heart.
2. “We Know What’s Best For You”
No career choice.
No dating choice.
No subject choice.
No food choice.
Your life is not yours. It’s a family project.
3. Freedom = Rebellion
Wanting space is “selfish.”
Wanting silence is “rude.”
Wanting a different path is “ungrateful.”
Obedience is virtue. Autonomy is betrayal.
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PART 2: THE SILENCE THAT CHOKES
1. Unspoken Taboos
Don’t talk about sex.
Don’t question religion.
Don’t express anger.
Don’t name depression.
Don't cry too loudly. Don’t laugh too freely.
2. The Living Room Show
Everything is fine — when guests come.
Smiles. Tea. Sarees. Rituals.
Then the curtain falls.
And suffocation resumes.
3. Lack of Emotional Ventilation
No one says sorry.
No one forgives.
No one hugs without agenda.
Love is offered as command, not care.
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PART 3: THE INVISIBLE CAGE
1. Boundaries Don’t Exist
Your phone is checked.
Your bag is searched.
Your diary is read.
Your face must never frown.
Your opinion must not exceed your age.
2. Your Time Belongs to the Family
You can’t rest when they work.
You can’t go out when they need you.
You can’t live if they’re unhappy.
Guilt is the lock. Shame is the key.
3. Every Room Is a Courtroom
Grandparents judge your clothes.
Parents judge your tone.
Siblings judge your choices.
Neighbors join in.
Nobody listens. Everybody punishes.
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PART 4: FAMILIES THAT DON’T LET YOU GROW
1. They Worship Their Struggles
“We suffered so you must obey.”
“In our time, we had nothing.”
Their pain becomes your chain.
2. They Fear Change
You want to leave the city? You’re “running away.”
You want to live alone? You’re “abandoning us.”
You want therapy? “Are we not enough?”
3. They Raise You Like Property, Not People
The son must earn.
The daughter must serve.
The rules were set long before you were born.
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PART 5: THE EXHAUSTED SOUL INSIDE THE HOME
1. Children Turn into People-Pleasers
Always smiling.
Always available.
Always tired.
2. Parents Turn into Jailors
They love, but they don’t let go.
They give, but they don’t listen.
They protect, but they don’t trust.
3. Grandparents Pass Down Guilt Like Heirlooms
They shame your boundaries.
They bless your obedience.
And they call it sanskaar.
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PART 6: WHEN YOU TRY TO ESCAPE
1. You’re Called Unloving
“You’re hurting us.”
“You’re not like other kids.”
“What did we do wrong?”
2. You Are Blackmailed with Emotion
Illness. Crying. Silence.
The weight of love becomes a noose.
3. You Feel Alone, Even When You’re Free
Because your breath still carries their voice.
Because guilt still crawls into your sleep.
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PART 7: THE WAY OUT IS IN
1. Recognize the Structure
Just because it's your family doesn’t mean it's healthy.
Just because they love you doesn’t mean they don’t hurt you.
2. Rebuild Boundaries Brick by Brick
Say no.
Step back.
Protect your peace.
Even if they cry. Even if they curse.
3. Start Your Own Version of Family
One where listening matters more than obeying.
One where love allows space.
One where presence isn’t pressure.
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CONCLUSION
The Indian family is called sacred.
But many are just suffocating temples.
With rituals and no love.
With prayers and no peace.
With food and no freedom.
Don’t stay silent in the name of respect.
Respect is not dying quietly in your own home.
Breathe.
Break.
Rebuild.
A family that cannot let you breathe is not a family.
It’s a prison.
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