NO MARRIAGE, NO MISERY

Why If Marriage Goes, Misery Goes

Marriage in India is not just a personal affair.

It is a cultural contract, a social prison, and a lifelong emotional mortgage.

It is sold as the ultimate goal, the greatest achievement, the necessary duty.

But underneath the glitter of weddings and the heavy weight of traditions,

lies an undeniable truth:

> Marriage is the fountainhead of misery in most Indian lives.

If marriage as an enforced system disappears,

much of India's collective emotional, financial, and psychological misery will also evaporate.

Let’s peel it back layer by layer.

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1. MARRIAGE IS BASED ON DUTY, NOT LOVE

In most Indian families, marriage happens for reasons like caste, class, social status, dowry, astrology, and parental pride — not for real compatibility or mutual love.

A boy and girl are selected like items in a supermarket.

Compatibility is measured by degrees, salaries, skin tone, and family "background."

Love, desire, emotional resonance — these are afterthoughts, if at all.

Example:

A Bengaluru IT engineer is forced to marry a girl from the same caste because "society will talk otherwise" — even though he was in love with someone else. He suppresses his heartbreak and smiles for the cameras.

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2. MARRIAGE KILLS INDIVIDUAL FREEDOM

After marriage, freedom collapses, especially for women, but increasingly for men too.

Careers are changed, passions are abandoned, cities are shifted, choices are restricted.

Individual hobbies, travel, even basic friendships must pass the approval of "family honour."

Example:

A woman in Pune gives up her dream of becoming a wildlife researcher because her in-laws want a "proper daughter-in-law" who stays close to home.

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3. MARRIAGE REINFORCES OUTDATED GENDER ROLES

Marriage breathes life into primitive roles:

Man = Provider.

Woman = Caregiver.

No matter how modern the wedding, the expectations remain medieval.

Example:

A highly educated woman working in an MNC in Hyderabad is still expected to cook fresh chapatis daily and wear bangles to "maintain culture" — while balancing 12-hour workdays.

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4. MARRIAGE BECOMES A FINANCIAL TRAP

Dowry may be illegal, but it's alive under the table.

Wedding expenses crush middle-class families for generations.

Post-marriage, EMI burdens, child-rearing costs, and festival expenses chain people financially.

Example:

A family in Lucknow sells a piece of ancestral farmland to fund a lavish marriage — then struggles for years under debt while pretending everything is fine.

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5. MARRIAGE FORCES EMOTIONAL SUPPRESSION

Real feelings — anger, disappointment, frustration, loneliness — must be hidden to "adjust."

Saying the truth can invite accusations: selfish, bad daughter-in-law, immature son.

Example:

A man in Kochi, suffering from depression after marriage, is told by his parents: "Just have a baby, everything will be fine."

He dies inside a little more every day.

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6. MARRIAGE CREATES LIFELONG SOCIAL BONDAGE

Marriage is not just between two people — it’s between two families, two extended clans.

Fake smiles, obligatory visits, meaningless rituals — lifelong.

Example:

A woman in Mumbai spends every Sunday visiting distant relatives she doesn't even like, out of "family duty," while her own passions rot inside.

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7. MARRIAGE JUSTIFIES ABUSE AND UNHAPPINESS

In Indian culture, divorce is worse than death.

So, abusive marriages are "adjusted."

Mental, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse is normalized because "marriage is sacred."

Example:

A wife in Jaipur is verbally abused daily but is advised by everyone, including her own mother:

"Shaadi mein sab kuchh bardasht karna padta hai."

(You have to tolerate everything in marriage.)

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8. MARRIAGE DESTROYS NATURAL FRIENDSHIPS

Spouses are expected to fulfill every emotional role: best friend, parent, counselor, motivator, housemate, financial partner.

This unnatural expectation crushes both individuals.

Natural friendships outside marriage fade, distrusted by jealous partners and busy routines.

Example:

A man in Chennai loses touch with all his close college friends after marriage because his wife sees them as a "bad influence."

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9. MARRIAGE IS WORSHIPPED, SO NO HONEST HEALING IS ALLOWED

Because marriage is worshipped like a god, problems are hidden.

Therapy is stigmatized.

Open dialogue about dissatisfaction is seen as disrespect.

Example:

A woman in Delhi who tries to seek marital counseling is accused by her in-laws of "insulting family honour."

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10. IF MARRIAGE AS A COMPULSORY SYSTEM GOES, MISERY GOES

If marriage stops being compulsory,

people will:

Form voluntary, real partnerships.

Live alone joyfully if they wish.

Choose companionship based on love, not social pressure.

Leave relationships that suffocate without carrying the shame of "failure."

Emotional freedom would blossom.

Financial exploitation would collapse.

Women and men could finally be full human beings — not roles.

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IN SHORT:

> Marriage in India is not a partnership; it is an institution of suffering.

If it ceases to be compulsory, the deep, generational, systemic misery of millions would start dissolving naturally.

Love will survive; only control will die.

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HOW MARRIAGE IS A TOOL TO CONTROL HUMAN RESOURCES IN INDIAN FAMILIES

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Marriage in India is not primarily about companionship, love, or emotional fulfillment.

It is — and always has been — a strategic tool to control people, assign lifelong labor, preserve property, and expand influence under the disguise of "culture."

Let's break it down systematically:

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1. MARRIAGE LOCKS INDIVIDUALS INTO FAMILY LABOR

A married man becomes a permanent economic engine for two (or more) families.

A married woman becomes a permanent unpaid domestic worker.

Children born from the marriage are future labor units to extend the family's financial and social power.

Example:

A young man in Delhi is forced into an arranged marriage at 26 because his father says, "Shaadi ke baad tu sudhar jaayega. Family ka bojh uthayega."

(After marriage, you’ll become serious and take family responsibility.)

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2. MARRIAGE CAPTURES AND CHANNELS EARNINGS

Once married, an individual's salary is no longer personal — it gets captured into family budgets:

Home loans,

Medical expenses of elders,

Dowries for siblings,

Family festivals and religious ceremonies.

The couple’s joint earning power is strategically absorbed.

Example:

In Mumbai, a newly married couple's combined salary funds the husband's younger sister's wedding — without their full consent.

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3. MARRIAGE ENSURES UNPAID CAREGIVING FOR ELDERS

Elderly parents in Indian families expect that sons (and their wives) will care for them physically, emotionally, and financially.

Marriage is how the caregiving contract is sealed —

especially through daughters-in-law, who are expected to become live-in nurses without pay.

Example:

A woman in Hyderabad gives up her nursing job to take care of her sick father-in-law — because "it is a daughter-in-law’s duty."

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4. MARRIAGE IS A TOOL FOR PROPERTY MANAGEMENT

Marriage controls inheritance and property alliances:

Sons who marry within caste/religion/class protect family property.

Marrying "outside" is seen as a threat to wealth control.

Example:

In Rajasthan, a rich landlord family disowns a son who marries a woman from another caste, fearing land division if the "wrong" heirs come in.

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5. MARRIAGE EXPANDS THE FAMILY'S POLITICAL AND SOCIAL NETWORK

Strategic marriages are used to strengthen business, caste, and political alliances.

It’s less about the happiness of the bride and groom, more about expanding social capital.

Example:

Two prominent families in Chennai marry off their children purely to merge business empires — the children have never spoken more than five sentences to each other.

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6. MARRIAGE IMMOBILIZES WOMEN ECONOMICALLY

Most married women are pressured to leave jobs, work less, or choose careers that serve the husband's location, family demands, and childcare.

Marriage extracts unpaid labor in the form of:

Cooking,

Cleaning,

Child-rearing,

Managing relatives' emotional needs.

Example:

A brilliant software engineer woman in Bengaluru reduces her working hours drastically after marriage because her in-laws expect "home-cooked food daily" and "proper care" for visiting relatives.

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7. MARRIAGE MAINTAINS CONTROL OVER FEMALE SEXUALITY

In traditional Indian setups, marriage is the only socially accepted way to express sexuality.

Control over marriage = control over women’s bodies and reproduction.

Thus, families rush to marry daughters early — to own and police their sexuality.

Example:

In rural Haryana, a girl is married off at 18 because "otherwise she might get spoiled" — meaning, choose her own partner.

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8. MARRIAGE USES CHILDREN AS FUTURE HUMAN RESOURCES

From a marriage, children are expected — and these children are seen not just as blessings, but investments.

Sons are raised to "look after us in old age."

Daughters are raised to "bring honor" by marrying "well."

Example:

In Patna, a boy is told from childhood:

"Padho likho, paisa kamao, budhape mein humare sahare banoge."

(Study, earn, and become our support in old age.)

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9. MARRIAGE SHAMES OUTLIERS INTO COMPLIANCE

Those who resist marriage are labeled:

Selfish,

Immature,

Irresponsible,

"Characterless."

Thus, social shaming keeps individuals trapped in the marriage system, ensuring labor and obedience.

Example:

An unmarried woman over 30 in a small town in Karnataka is treated like a social leper — not because she did anything wrong, but because she refuses to be "used properly" by the marriage system.

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10. MARRIAGE MASKS ECONOMIC AND EMOTIONAL EXPLOITATION UNDER "CULTURE"

Everything — labor, obedience, money extraction, sexual policing — is hidden under big words like:

Sanskaar (values),

Dharma (duty),

Maryada (decorum),

Family honor.

Thus, the exploitation looks noble and the prisoner feels guilty for resisting.

Example:

A young woman who wishes to pursue art is told by her uncle:

"Family sacrifice is your real talent, not painting."

Translation: stop dreaming, start serving.

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IN SHORT:

> Marriage in India is not a personal bond — it is a family project designed to extract labor, manage property, control sexuality, expand networks, and enslave emotions — all while pretending it is about love.

It is the master tool of human resource control.

Without forced marriage culture, families would lose their primary machinery of survival.

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FINAL COMBINED VIEW

If you look at both sections together:

Marriage creates misery on the emotional, personal level (first section).

Marriage controls people like resources on the economic, social, sexual level (second section).

Thus,

> Marriage is the misery machine AND the resource control machine of Indian life.

Until people voluntarily choose companionship — and families lose the right to force marriage —

India will remain a nation of:

Half-alive men,

Emotionally exhausted women,

Neurotic children,

And families bloated on generations of silent suffering.

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HEALING DIALOGUE

Breaking the Marriage Cage — With Madhukar

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Scene:

A young man, Raghav, 29 years old, sits before Madhukar in the open courtyard.

The mud walls around them are cracked but strong.

A neem tree sways gently overhead.

Raghav’s voice trembles, but he pushes forward.

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Raghav:

"They are after me, Madhukar.

My parents, uncles, aunts, neighbors...

Everyone.

'When will you marry?'

'When will you settle?'

I feel like a hunted animal."

Madhukar:

(smiling quietly)

"They are not after your happiness, Raghav.

They are after your capture."

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Raghav:

"But why?

Why does my marriage matter to them so much?

Can't they live their lives and let me live mine?"

Madhukar:

"Because your marriage is not about you.

It is about their control.

They need your labor, your obedience, your lineage, your service, your silence.

Marriage is how they sign you into the contract — without you realizing you signed."

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Raghav:

(bitterly)

"It’s like I'm just a resource for them."

Madhukar:

"Exactly.

You are land to be plowed.

A river to be redirected.

A tree to bear fruits they will harvest.

And marriage is the fence they build around you."

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Raghav:

"So what do I do?

If I say no, they will call me selfish, ungrateful, shameless."

Madhukar:

"Let them.

It is better to be called selfish than to be sacrificed.

It is better to be called ungrateful than to be buried under gratitude-debt forever.

It is better to be called shameless than to wear a mask till your soul chokes."

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Raghav:

"But I’m scared.

What if I end up lonely?"

Madhukar:

(leaning forward)

"Loneliness is real.

But there is a loneliness that comes from being true to yourself —

and a far worse loneliness that comes from betraying yourself to please others.

Choose the loneliness that leaves your soul intact."

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HEALING STEPS MADHUKAR GIVES RAGHAV

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1. Declare your autonomy clearly.

"I love you, but my life is mine."

2. Never debate your choices with those who don't respect your freedom.

"Freedom is not for sale through argument."

3. Build your own support system — a few true friends who accept you.

"Family of blood is optional. Family of soul is essential."

4. Redefine success.

"Settling is not buying a coffin labeled marriage."

5. Welcome discomfort.

"The world will scream when you break the cage. Let it scream. It cannot last."

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Raghav listens.

And for the first time, the tightness in his chest loosens.

He sees the truth not as a burden,

but as a doorway.

A doorway he can walk through.

Alone if needed — but alive.

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"MARRIAGE: THE FIRST CAGE"

they tell you:

"settle down"

like you're dust blown in the wind.

they tie you in flowers,

gold chains,

red threads,

and call it sacred.

they hand you over like a package,

from father's name

to husband's name,

from mother's guilt

to wife's duties.

they say it's love,

but you can smell the iron.

you can taste the rust

on your tongue.

marriage:

the first mortgage.

the first muting.

the first mask you wear until it fuses with your skin.

they say:

"you are a man now."

"you are a woman now."

what they mean is:

"you are ours now."

"your dreams are now government property."

the wedding fire burns bright

but it is not a light —

it is a pyre.

and if you dare

walk away,

your shadow

your shame

your old name

will follow you

and call it love.

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