MY WANTS ARE NOT MINE

Whatever I Want Is, What They Wanted Me to Want

You were born whole—wantless. Then the world taught you hunger, and called it ambition.”

Our desires are not truly our own—they are shaped by society, family, media, culture, and past experiences.

What we think we want is programmed into us by others.

Here’s an exhaustive list of reasons to support this idea:

I. FAMILY & UPBRINGING

Parents Program Our Early Desires - We grow up copying what our parents praise or value.

Example: If your parents always praised doctors, you might “want” to be one—even if you don’t enjoy it.
We Seek Approval - We want things that will make others proud of us.
Example: You buy a car not for yourself, but to impress your family.
Fear of Disapproval - Sometimes we chase things just to avoid disappointing people.
Example: Choosing a "safe" career instead of your passion to avoid judgment.

II. CULTURE & SOCIETY

Society Sets the Standards for “Success” - Fame, wealth, good looks—these are sold as ultimate goals.
Example: You want a big house because that’s what movies show as “making it.”
Traditions Create Expected Desires - Cultural norms tell you what you should want at every age.
Example: Getting married or having kids not because you truly want to, but because "it's time."
Belonging Shapes Our Wants - We want what makes us fit in.
Example: Wearing trendy clothes even if you don’t like them.

III. MEDIA & ADVERTISING

Ads Manipulate Desire - They tell you what’s “cool,” “sexy,” or “successful.”
Example: Craving a phone upgrade even though your current one works fine.
Social Media Reinforces Fake Wants - You see what others post and feel the urge to have the same.
Example: Planning a vacation just because influencers go there.
Comparison Breeds Desire - Seeing someone with more makes you want more.
Example: Feeling bad about your body after scrolling Instagram, so you want to “fix” it.

IV. EDUCATION & SCHOOLING

Schools Reward Certain Dreams - You’re praised for following certain paths (doctor, engineer, lawyer).
Example: Wanting a high-paying job because that’s what schools value.
You’re Trained to Want Security Over Passion - We’re told to avoid risk, not to explore.
Example: Giving up art to study business because it’s “practical.”

V. PEER PRESSURE & FRIENDS

We Copy What Our Friends Want - Their goals become our goals to stay connected.
Example: Applying to a college just because your friends are going.
Fear of Being Left Out - So we want what keeps us in the group.
Example: Joining a gym because all your friends are doing it—not because you enjoy it.

VI. ECONOMIC & POLITICAL SYSTEMS

Capitalism Depends on Making You Want More - The system runs on constant desire for new stuff.
Example: Wanting a new car every few years, even if yours works fine.
Jobs Define Worth - You're told to want productivity, hustle, and income.
Example: Feeling lazy if you're not constantly busy.
Debt Creates Artificial Wants - You buy on credit, not because you want it deeply, but because it's "normal."
Example: Wanting a bigger TV with money you don’t have.

VII. PSYCHOLOGICAL PROGRAMMING

Childhood Trauma Shapes Desire - You may want attention, power, or control to heal old wounds.
Example: Chasing fame to feel seen after being ignored as a kid.
Fear of Rejection - We want what will make us liked or loved.
Example: Saying you like a movie, music, or belief just to belong.
We Confuse Comfort with Desire - We think we want something, but we just want to avoid pain.
Example: Staying in a bad relationship because it’s familiar.

VIII. SPIRITUAL & EXISTENTIAL

The Ego Wants to Be Special - Many wants come from the need to feel unique or important.
Example: Wanting to “be somebody” in the eyes of the world.
True Desires Are Silent, Taught Desires Are Loud - The deepest wants are calm. The programmed ones scream.
Example: You think you want to be rich—but really, you want peace.
Most Wants Are Just Distractions - We chase things so we don’t sit with ourselves.
Example: Scrolling endlessly online to avoid loneliness.

Absolutely. Here’s a Charles Bukowski–style poem based on the theme of borrowed desires—raw, honest, and biting.

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someone else's fire

(after Bukowski)

they handed you a list

before you could read.

told you what to want

before you could speak.

said

"be good,"

"be smart,"

"be better than them,"

but never said

be you.

you wanted love

because they said it’s what makes life matter.

you wanted money

because they flashed it like god’s light.

you wanted to be thin,

pretty,

loud,

quiet,

strong,

soft,

whatever the hell the billboard said that day.

you thought you chose

but the dice were loaded

before you even sat at the table.

your dreams came shrink-wrapped

with a price tag

and someone else's fingerprints all over them.

you’re not chasing desire.

you’re chasing

instruction.

and they

they’re laughing.

selling you back the mirror

you broke trying to look

like someone worth looking at.

what you want

ain’t yours,

kid.

it’s just

someone else’s fire

burning in your empty room.

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