HOW PARENTS, UNCLES, AND GRANDPARENTS CONFUSE CHILDREN "JUST FOR FUN" — AND CREATE LIFELONG DAMAGE
- Madhukar Dama
- Apr 27
- 9 min read
Children trust.
That’s how they survive.
And adults — parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents — are supposed to be their anchors of reality.
But in the name of "fun," "tradition," "discipline," or "entertainment," many adults inject massive confusion into children's innocent minds.
Not realizing:
> A single confusing joke at the wrong time can derail a child's clarity for decades.
This article explores 10 common adult behaviours that confuse, weaken, and entangle young minds — and provides 100 real examples of the everyday emotional violence we don’t even recognize.
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10 WAYS ADULTS CONFUSE CHILDREN "FOR FUN"
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1. SILLY LABELS THAT DAMAGE IDENTITY
Adults often casually give children hurtful nicknames or labels that stick deeper than they realize.
Examples:
1. Calling a healthy child "moti" (fatso).
2. Calling a silent child "duffer" (fool).
3. Teasing a dark-skinned child as "kaalu" (blacky).
4. Mocking a studious child as "baba/budhi" (old soul).
5. Labeling a curious child "question box."
6. Branding a cautious child "coward."
7. Laughing at a creative child as "daydreamer."
8. Saying "nobody will marry you if you eat like that."
9. Calling a child "monkey" because they are playful.
10. Saying "you are the naughty one" — repeatedly — until the child believes it.
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2. CONFUSING CONTRADICTIONS
Adults say one thing and do another, modeling hypocrisy without explanation.
Examples: 11. "Don't lie" — but ask the child to hide phone calls. 12. "Be honest" — but fake sick leaves at work. 13. "Respect teachers" — but mock them at home. 14. "Family comes first" — but backstab relatives. 15. "Always speak the truth" — but hide financial problems. 16. "Be humble" — but show off when guests arrive. 17. "Don't fight" — but fight loudly in front of kids. 18. "Study well, life will be easy" — but suffer despite degrees. 19. "Girls and boys are equal" — but treat daughters differently. 20. "Money doesn't matter" — but obsess over dowries and salaries.
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3. TEACHING NON-EXISTENT IDEAS
Adults invent magical threats and fake consequences without realizing the emotional damage.
Examples: 21. "If you swallow gum, it will stay in your stomach forever." 22. "If you step outside after sunset, ghosts will catch you." 23. "Santa Claus is watching everything." 24. "If you pee on a tree, spirits will follow you home." 25. "If you break a mirror, seven years bad luck." 26. "If you cut nails at night, your house will be robbed." 27. "If you don’t study, you’ll become a beggar." 28. "God will punish you if you waste food." 29. "Your teddy bear will cry if you don’t hug him." 30. "Angels record your mistakes in a big notebook."
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4. USING FEAR AS ENTERTAINMENT
Adults scare children for their own amusement.
Examples: 31. "Policeman will arrest you if you don’t eat." 32. "Monster under the bed will grab your leg." 33. Shutting kids inside dark bathrooms to make them braver. 34. Dressing up as ghosts to "prank" toddlers. 35. Loud sudden noises to watch them jump. 36. Telling horror stories just before sleep. 37. Threatening to leave them alone in markets. 38. Pretending to be kidnapped to scare them. 39. Showing horror movies as "family fun." 40. Making fun of their nightmares instead of comforting.
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5. MINIMIZING THE CHILD'S CONFUSION
When children express doubt or hurt, adults mock their emotions.
Examples: 41. "Arre itna sochta kyun hai?" (Why do you think so much?) 42. "Bas nautanki band kar." (Stop your drama.) 43. "You are too sensitive!" 44. "Arey it's a joke, don't cry." 45. "You think too much. Bad habit." 46. "Aapko sab samajhne ki zarurat nahi." (You don't need to understand everything.) 47. "You'll forget this when you grow up." 48. "It was just for fun, why are you serious?" 49. "Kids don't understand anything anyway." 50. "Why are you so boring, learn to laugh!"
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6. EXCESSIVE PRAISE AND UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Adults overinflate or prematurely burden children.
Examples: 51. "My son is the next Einstein!" 52. "My daughter will surely become an IAS officer." 53. "You are smarter than all your cousins." 54. "You must come first always." 55. "Only top rankers deserve love." 56. "You are a genius, you don't need to work hard." 57. "Failure is not an option for you." 58. "Our family pride depends on you." 59. "Girls must be perfect in everything." 60. "Boys don't cry — you must be strong."
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7. MOCKING NATURAL CURIOSITY
Adults discourage or humiliate genuine questioning.
Examples: 61. Laughing when children ask "Why do people die?" 62. Ignoring questions about menstruation or puberty. 63. Calling questions "silly" or "dirty." 64. Punishing "uncomfortable" questions about religion. 65. Telling children not to question teachers ever. 66. Mocking them for not knowing certain facts. 67. Labeling them "argumentative" for being curious. 68. Cutting off conversations with "because I said so." 69. Telling them "only bad kids ask such questions." 70. Making fun of philosophical wonderings.
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8. FORCING FAKE RELATIONSHIPS
Children are forced to show affection without consent.
Examples: 71. Hugging and kissing relatives they dislike. 72. Touching elders' feet without knowing why. 73. Calling any older woman "aunty" and any man "uncle." 74. Being told "he's your brother now" after one meeting. 75. Being guilted into "loving" distant relatives. 76. Forced birthday greetings to strangers. 77. Being reprimanded for not smiling at guests. 78. Faking excitement for boring family events. 79. Being told "family love is compulsory." 80. Forced to forgive abusive cousins or elders.
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9. CREATING GUILT FOR HAVING FEELINGS
Children are made to feel guilty about natural emotions.
Examples: 81. "Good kids don't get angry." 82. "Only selfish kids ask for gifts." 83. "How dare you feel jealous of your sibling?" 84. "Crying is a sign of weakness." 85. "You must always be happy to make others happy." 86. "Never say no to elders even if you're tired." 87. "Don't ever say you are scared — shameful!" 88. "You must love everyone equally." 89. "You must forgive instantly — or God will punish you." 90. "Wanting space means you are arrogant."
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10. INVALIDATING NATURAL INSTINCTS
Children’s survival instincts are suppressed early.
Examples: 91. Forcing kids to eat when they are full. 92. Ignoring signs of discomfort around certain adults. 93. Forcing kids to perform even when sick. 94. Forcing children to sleep or wake up unnaturally. 95. Stopping them from defending themselves. 96. Laughing off their social fears. 97. Overriding their dislike of certain activities. 98. Punishing their hesitation in crowds. 99. Overruling their introversion. 100. Treating early rebellion as "bad character."
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FINAL THOUGHT
What adults call "harmless fun" is often emotional sabotage.
Children don't have the cognitive ability to separate jokes from truth.
Their only guide is trust — and when trust is laced with fear, confusion, and contradictions, the foundation of their being gets cracked.
Most confused adults you see today were once confused children —
Not by accident, but because of careless entertainment.
> "Every joke, every mockery, every mixed signal — when repeated enough — creates not just a confused child, but a lost adult."
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CLOSING SUMMARY
If you really love a child, you don’t "have fun at their expense."
You honor their questions.
You answer with clarity.
You admit when you don't know.
You correct with patience.
You celebrate their real nature — not what you find entertaining.
Only then can we raise humans who are not life-long prisoners of confusion.
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HEALING THE MAZE OF CONFUSION
A Dialogue Between Madhukar the Healer and a Grown-Up Child of Confusion
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Scene:
A quiet mud hut on the edge of a forest.
The breeze smells of earth and neem.
Inside, a woman sits cross-legged on a jute mat.
Her name is Anaya.
She is 30 years old but her face holds the sadness of a thousand uncried childhoods.
Before her sits Madhukar, an old man in simple clothes, his eyes calm like deep wells untouched by storms.
Anaya wrings her hands and struggles to speak.
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Anaya:
"I don't know where to start.
I feel confused all the time.
I don't trust myself.
Every decision feels like walking through fog.
Every relationship... every job... everything feels wrong even when it looks right.
I can't explain it."
Madhukar:
(gently)
"You just explained it, Anaya.
You are walking inside a maze that was built for you before you even knew how to walk.
Tell me.
What was said to you when you cried as a child?"
Anaya:
(small voice)
"Don't cry. Good girls don't cry."
Madhukar:
"What was said when you asked too many questions?"
Anaya:
"Stop asking. Just listen."
Madhukar:
"What was said when you were scared?"
Anaya:
"Be brave. Or else bad things will happen."
Madhukar:
"What was said when you were happy?"
Anaya:
"Don't laugh too loud. It's shameful."
Madhukar closes his eyes briefly, as if feeling the weight of these invisible chains.
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Madhukar:
"Anaya,
you were not raised.
You were controlled.
You were not guided.
You were confused.
You were not loved cleanly.
You were entertained with at your expense."
(pauses)
"It was never your confusion.
It was confusion planted into you."
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Anaya's eyes fill with tears, but she does not sob.
They fall quietly, like rivers that finally found their downhill path.
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Anaya:
"But they said they loved me."
Madhukar:
"They loved their idea of you.
Not the real you."
(leaning forward)
"Real love clarifies.
Real love simplifies.
Real love gives you a mirror so clean, you can see your own face."
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There is a long silence.
The birds outside are chirping, indifferent to the sorrows of humans.
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Anaya:
"Madhukar...
how do I get out of this maze?
I feel like I am broken in ways I can't even see."
Madhukar:
"You are not broken.
You are tangled.
And every tangle was made with words, glances, jokes, punishments, praises, betrayals.
Now you must sit with each knot,
see it clearly,
and patiently untie it."
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Anaya:
"But how?
I don't even know what is real anymore."
Madhukar:
(smiling softly)
"Then we begin there.
Let’s begin rebuilding your reality."
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THE HEALING BEGINS
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1. NAME THE LIES
Madhukar:
"Every time you hear a voice inside you that says 'I am too sensitive' or 'I should not cry' or 'I must please everyone' —
stop.
Recognize: 'This is not my voice.
This was put inside me.'
Say it aloud if you must."
Anaya:
"This is not my voice."
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2. RECLAIM THE RIGHT TO FEEL
Madhukar:
"You have the right to feel anything you feel.
Anger.
Fear.
Sadness.
Even confusion.
Feelings are not wrong.
They are weather inside you — they pass,
they change,
they purify you."
Anaya:
"Even anger?"
Madhukar:
"Especially anger.
It is the sword that cuts lies."
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3. STOP LOOKING FOR APPROVAL
Madhukar:
"You don't need to be understood by everyone.
You don't even need to be understood by your family.
You need only understand yourself clearly."
Anaya:
(whispers)
"But it hurts."
Madhukar:
"It hurts because you are still standing at the gate of their approval, waiting for them to open it.
You must build your own gate now."
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4. PRACTICE RADICAL TRUTH
Madhukar:
"When you feel confused, do not ask: 'What should I do?'
Ask: 'What is the truth here?'
Truth clears confusion like wind clears fog.
Speak the truth to yourself even if your voice shakes."
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5. SLOW DOWN EVERYTHING
Madhukar:
"You grew up running after approval.
Now you must walk —
no, crawl if needed — back toward your own soul.
Move slowly.
Eat slowly.
Decide slowly.
Speak slowly.
Heal slowly."
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A NEW PROMISE
Anaya sits up a little straighter.
Something ancient inside her stirs — not a new thing,
but something that had always been there,
buried under decades of lies.
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Anaya:
"Madhukar...
what if I fail?"
Madhukar:
(laughs warmly)
"My child, failure is part of learning the truth.
Fail gloriously.
Fail loudly.
Fail honestly.
Because every honest failure pulls you closer to your real self.
Only fake success keeps you lost."
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CLOSURE
The sun is setting now, spilling golden light across the mud floor.
Madhukar pours her a cup of warm herbal tea.
They sit together in silence —
not awkward,
not heavy —
but simple, like two rivers finally flowing in the right direction.
Anaya smiles, a small uncertain smile, but real.
For the first time in years, she does not feel like a problem to be fixed.
She feels like a person beginning to wake up.
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FINAL WORDS FROM MADHukar:
"Anaya,
your real home is not outside you.
It is not inside other people's eyes.
It is not in their praise, not in their laughter.
It is in the quiet place inside you where no one else's voice echoes.
Go there often.
Rest there daily.
And rebuild your life from there."
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[HEALING DIALOGUE ENDS]
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THE FIRST JOKE
they laughed
when I cried because the moon disappeared behind the clouds.
they said I was too sensitive,
too serious,
too small to know anything about the world.
they clapped
when I swallowed their lies like dry bread:
ghosts in the bathroom,
angels in the ceiling fan,
policemen hiding under the bed.
they called it fun.
they called it tradition.
they called it teaching.
they called it love.
they slapped labels on my forehead like price tags —
dumb, lazy, moody, useless —
till I forgot
what my own name tasted like.
they joked about my questions,
they mocked my wonder,
they punished my doubt,
they fed me fear like boiled rice.
and when I grew up
stumbling through a life made of fog,
when I mistook cruelty for affection,
silence for safety,
obedience for wisdom,
they said —
"we raised you right."
but the joke was on me,
and it was never funny.
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