FRIENDS OR VICTIMS OF A COMMON ENEMY?
- Madhukar Dama
- May 20
- 10 min read
— revealing how most friendships are situational trauma bonds rather than chosen relationships.
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INTRODUCTION:
Most friendships are not friendships.
They are coping mechanisms.
They form under pressure, in cages, during escape missions, or inside collective suffering.
We call them “friends” because it sounds noble.
But if you look closely — once the enemy goes away, the bond collapses.
This essay exposes the illusion of friendship built on common enemies — school, college, addictions, employers, ideologies, pain, fear, routine — and gives you a list so complete, it will change how you remember your past.
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SECTION 1: EDUCATION-BOUND FRIENDSHIPS
1. School Friends
Enemy: Exams, teachers, punishments, rigid schedules.
Reality: Trauma-bonded survivors of a system.
Ends when: School ends. Few stay in touch.
2. Tuition Friends
Enemy: Competitive marks, strict tutors, parental pressure.
Bond: Mocking the tutor, copying assignments, bunking.
Ends when: Exams are over.
3. College Friends
Enemy: Identity crisis, boredom, isolation, grades.
Bond: Weekend escapes, fake freedom, hostel gossip.
Ends when: Jobs, relocation, marriage.
4. Project Friends
Enemy: Last-minute submissions, cruel professors.
Bond: Shared panic, fake teamwork.
Ends when: Project is graded.
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SECTION 2: PROFESSIONAL FRIENDSHIPS
5. Office Friends
Enemy: Boss, deadlines, workplace politics.
Bond: Gossip, cribbing, lunch breaks.
Ends when: One gets promoted or quits.
6. Internship Friends
Enemy: Exploitation, lack of recognition.
Bond: Mutual resentment, unpaid work.
Ends when: Internship ends.
7. Colleague-Turned-Confidante
Enemy: Emotional burnout, corporate abuse.
Bond: Shared vulnerability in HR-silenced environments.
Ends when: Transfer or job change.
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SECTION 3: ADDICTION AND ESCAPE FRIENDSHIPS
8. Smoking Buddies
Enemy: Stress, anxiety, toxic routine.
Bond: Small talk in smoke breaks.
Ends when: One quits.
9. Drinking Friends
Enemy: Depression, broken families, suppressed emotions.
Bond: Intoxicated confessions, fake freedom.
Ends when: Rehab, marriage, or tragedy.
10. Pornography or Gaming Friends
Enemy: Loneliness, shame, detachment from real life.
Bond: Escapism through shared virtual obsession.
Ends when: Real healing begins.
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SECTION 4: FAMILY-PRESSURE FRIENDSHIPS
11. Cousin Friends
Enemy: Conservative family rules.
Bond: Joint rebellion, secret sharing.
Ends when: Families fight or marry them off.
12. “Our Parents Are Friends” Friends
Enemy: Forced playdates, fake smiles.
Bond: Compulsion, not connection.
Ends when: Parental ties break.
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SECTION 5: CIRCUMSTANTIAL FRIENDSHIPS
13. Hostel Roommates
Enemy: Shared toilet, lack of privacy, survival mode.
Bond: Forced proximity.
Ends when: Move out.
14. Train Friends / Commute Companions
Enemy: Boring daily travel.
Bond: Small talk.
Ends when: Route or job changes.
15. Neighbours as Friends
Enemy: Boredom, lack of real friends.
Bond: Convenience.
Ends when: One relocates.
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SECTION 6: HEALTH, GRIEF, AND CRISIS FRIENDSHIPS
16. Hospital Room Friends
Enemy: Illness, fear of death.
Bond: Shared vulnerability.
Ends when: Discharge.
17. Grief Friends
Enemy: Loss of loved ones.
Bond: Shared mourning.
Ends when: Healing pace differs.
18. Therapy Support Group Friends
Enemy: Trauma, mental health crisis.
Bond: Pain mirrors.
Ends when: One heals faster or resists growth.
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SECTION 7: REVOLT & RESISTANCE FRIENDSHIPS
19. Activism Friends
Enemy: Systemic injustice.
Bond: Shared rage, temporary idealism.
Ends when: Arrest, burnout, or ideological clash.
20. Political Friends
Enemy: The opposing party, imagined threats.
Bond: Hype, slogans, tribalism.
Ends when: Party loses or one defects.
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SECTION 8: UNFULFILLED FRIENDSHIPS
21. Ex-Lovers Who Call It Friendship
Enemy: Social judgment, fear of loneliness.
Bond: Unfinished emotions.
Ends when: One marries or moves on.
22. “Just Friends” With Deep Desires
Enemy: Rejection, cultural rules, taboo.
Bond: Pretence and suppressed yearning.
Ends when: Truth explodes.
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SECTION 9: FRIENDSHIPS OF FAILURE
23. Failed Entrepreneur Friends
Enemy: Bankruptcy, humiliation, toxic optimism.
Bond: Shared failure, fake positivity.
Ends when: One gives up or moves on.
24. Divorced Friends
Enemy: Marriage system.
Bond: Shared scars.
Ends when: New partner enters.
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SECTION 10: PRETENSE AND STATUS FRIENDSHIPS
25. Luxury Friends
Enemy: Insecurity, status anxiety.
Bond: Flaunting wealth.
Ends when: Financial collapse.
26. Religious Ritual Friends
Enemy: Existential fear, isolation.
Bond: Blind conformity.
Ends when: One questions.
27. Gym or Yoga Friends
Enemy: Body hate, comparison, societal expectations.
Bond: Endorphin highs.
Ends when: Fitness fades or injury strikes.
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SECTION 11: GUILT, CHARITY, AND EMOTIONAL DEBT
28. Helper Friends
Enemy: One’s own saviour complex.
Bond: Power imbalance.
Ends when: The other becomes independent.
29. Victimhood Friends
Enemy: Constant suffering.
Bond: Misery loves company.
Ends when: One heals.
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SECTION 12: DIGITAL & FAME-BASED FRIENDSHIPS
30. Influencer Circle Friends
Enemy: Obscurity, loneliness, validation addiction.
Bond: Mutual audience farming.
Ends when: Engagement drops.
31. Group Chat Friends
Enemy: Silence, boredom, fear of being left out.
Bond: Emojis, GIFs, hollow banter.
Ends when: Someone speaks truth.
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CONCLUSION:
So many “friendships” are just temporary trauma alliances.
They survive on shared suffering, confusion, or desperation.
Once the enemy vanishes, the masks fall.
True friendship is not about what you escaped together.
It’s about what you can build, feel, sit through and enjoy in silence — once the noise dies down.
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FRIENDS OR VICTIMS OF A COMMON ENEMY
A slow burn Charles Bukowski-style poem
— in your face, bitter, naked, true —
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you called them your friends.
you even cried when they left.
but what you didn’t see was this:
the thing you were crying for
wasn’t them —
it was the enemy that had finally let go.
a school bell.
a college gate.
a boss’s stare.
a smoky terrace.
a dying parent.
a broken marriage.
a beer glass.
a lost god.
you didn’t love them.
they didn’t love you.
you just shared a common hell.
you had jokes,
late-night rants,
sobbing bathroom breaks,
two cigarettes and a swear jar,
a cheap room,
a broken dream.
but that wasn’t love.
that was war.
and you were soldiers hiding in each other's wounds
so you wouldn’t feel alone
in your slow collapse.
remove the exam,
and the "study buddy" ghosted.
remove the boss,
and the "office bestie" vanished.
stop drinking,
and your “brother” forgot your name.
delete the app,
and no one replies anymore.
leave the party,
and you were never on the guest list.
you think you're growing apart?
no.
you were never together.
you were just trapped in the same cage.
friendships built on
a smoking corner,
a hate for algebra,
a shared loathing of Monday mornings,
a loser of an ex,
a broken spine of an employer
will not survive
when the enemy is dead.
some people are not friends.
they are just
emotional hostages in your cellblock.
you weren’t soulmates.
you were war mates.
battle buddies in a system
that feeds on loneliness
and calls it community.
the system wants you to believe in
forever friends.
school gangs.
college clans.
work tribes.
alumni groups.
whatsapp brohoods.
because if you realize
that all this was a lie,
you might just
walk away from the whole circus.
here's a truth
you never wanted to hear:
real friendship begins
after the trauma ends.
after the crisis is over.
after you’re healed.
and
if they’re still around
when there's no enemy left —
then maybe
just maybe —
you’ve found one real friend
in a graveyard of ghosts.
but don't count on it.
not in this world.
and even if you do,
don’t hold too tight.
because nothing burns faster
than borrowed warmth
from someone else's hell.
---
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HEALING DIALOGUE
“FRIENDS OR VICTIMS OF A COMMON ENEMY?”
A multilayered, slow-burn, brutally honest conversation between Madhukar the Hermit and a group of five visitors from Bidar — once close “friends” now struggling with distance, betrayal, and confusion.
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CHARACTERS:
Madhukar – 43-year-old former veterinary doctor turned natural hermit.
Adhya and Anju – His daughters, listening quietly.
Group of Friends (late 30s):
Ravi – A government employee, practical and bitter.
Naveen – A recovering alcoholic, used to be the group clown.
Vaishali – Now a homemaker, once rebelled with the others.
Jayanth – An overworked private teacher, still clings to the “old days.”
Neha – Married to a corporate manager, feels distant from all.
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SETTING:
The five arrive together at Madhukar’s off-grid forest hermitage near Yelmadagi. They haven’t all met in years. A tension floats. They used to call themselves “family.” Now, they sit awkwardly around a mud platform, unsure who they are to one another.
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PART 1: THE ILLUSION
Madhukar:
You all look like people who once shared something deep.
But now you’re sitting like strangers trying to avoid a family fight.
Ravi:
We were close. Very close.
School, college, heartbreak, late-night chai...
It felt like forever.
Madhukar (softly):
Was it forever? Or just a shared enemy?
Who was the real glue?
Neha:
We were there for each other.
When my father died, they sat with me all night.
Madhukar:
And what were they escaping that night?
Sometimes helping someone is a way to avoid your own grief.
Naveen (quietly):
We used to laugh so much.
But now... I don’t even know what to say to them.
Vaishali:
I feel it too.
Like the show ended and nobody told us to leave the stage.
Jayanth:
I keep trying to plan reunions.
Nobody shows up. They say they’re busy.
Madhukar:
You weren’t friends.
You were just fellow prisoners of the same warden.
Ravi:
Warden?
Madhukar:
School. Exams. Parents. Loneliness.
You stood together, not because of love —
but because the walls were closing in.
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PART 2: THE BREAK
Vaishali:
But we needed each other.
Isn’t that enough?
Madhukar:
Yes.
Needed each other.
That’s not love.
That’s survival.
Naveen:
So what? Are you saying all we had was fake?
Madhukar:
Not fake.
Just unfinished.
You mistook shared wounds for connection.
And now that the wounds scabbed differently —
you don't recognize each other anymore.
Jayanth:
But if that’s true, how does anyone stay connected?
Madhukar:
When there is no enemy left —
and you still choose each other —
then you begin the real friendship.
Neha:
So what were we? Trauma allies?
Madhukar:
Yes.
You were holding each other’s bandages,
but never sat to see each other bleed.
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PART 3: THE MIRROR
Ravi (angrily):
But I fought with my parents for them. I skipped exams.
I was loyal.
Madhukar:
Loyalty during war doesn’t mean peace after it.
Vaishali:
Why are we so distant now?
Madhukar:
Because you healed in different directions.
One healed through marriage.
One through silence.
One through religion.
One through addiction.
One through ambition.
You are no longer in the same pain.
Adhya (quietly):
So maybe the pain was the friend, not the people.
Madhukar:
That’s right, child.
Pain introduced them.
And now that it's gone, so is the friendship.
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PART 4: THE REFLECTION
Neha:
So should we just move on?
Forget it?
Madhukar:
No.
Sit with it.
Grieve the illusion you lived under.
It wasn’t all meaningless —
it just wasn’t what you thought.
Naveen:
I want to rebuild.
But I don’t know these people anymore.
Madhukar:
Then meet them again.
Not as the past. But as the now.
Strip the nostalgia.
Talk like strangers.
See what survives.
Jayanth:
What if nothing survives?
Madhukar:
Then at least you’ve finally met each other without the enemy watching.
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PART 5: THE RELEASE
Ravi:
I thought we’d grow old together.
Kids playing together.
Laughing at the past.
Vaishali:
We were a dream we couldn’t keep awake.
Madhukar:
And now you’re awake.
The dream was beautiful.
And temporary.
Be grateful it happened.
But don’t drag its corpse into the present.
Neha (tearing up):
Then what is friendship, really?
Madhukar:
It is not what you do during pain.
It is what you become after it.
If they still see you when you no longer cry —
that’s your friend.
Adhya:
Most people never reach that.
Madhukar:
Because most people never outgrow their enemies.
They just find new ones to share with new people —
and call them friends again.
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EPILOGUE:
The friends sit silently.
Something in them loosens.
They aren’t angry anymore.
They aren’t nostalgic.
They are free.
Not from each other —
but from the lie that bound them.
They walk back through the forest,
not holding hands,
but not running away either.
Just walking honestly for the first time.
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FOLLOW-UP: 3 MONTHS AND 1 YEAR LATER
“FRIENDS OR VICTIMS OF A COMMON ENEMY?”
A continuation of the healing dialogue — slowly revealing who stayed, who drifted, and what truths each one discovered alone.
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AFTER 3 MONTHS
The rains have passed.
The forest around Madhukar’s hermitage is alive again with mushrooms, birdsong, and soaked silence.
Only three return.
Vaishali, looking calm, holding a clay pot of ragi malt.
Naveen, noticeably sober, with a hand-carved flute in his pocket.
Neha, holding no phone, no purse — just herself.
Madhukar smiles without surprise.
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DIALOGUE
Madhukar:
Where are the others?
Vaishali:
Ravi joined a temple group in Hyderabad. He said this isn't his path.
Jayanth texted once. Then... disappeared into exam coaching again.
Naveen (half-smiling):
We weren’t his subject anymore.
Neha:
I thought I’d be the last one to come back.
But silence is addictive once you taste it without shame.
Madhukar:
That’s because it’s the only thing that doesn’t lie to you.
Vaishali:
We started writing letters to each other. Handwritten.
No photos. No nostalgia. Just… truth.
Madhukar:
Then you’re no longer friends.
You’re becoming witnesses to each other’s lives.
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AFTER 1 YEAR
It’s summer again.
Dust has returned.
So have they.
This time, only two come back.
Vaishali, with her young son, who now runs barefoot like Adhya and Anju.
Naveen, sun-dark, working on a small organic farm outside Bidar.
Neha does not come.
A letter is left behind — handwritten.
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NEHA’S LETTER (read aloud by Madhukar):
"Madhukar,
I did not return, but I did not disappear.
I simply realized I was never friends with them. I was friends with my pain. Now, the pain is gone — not because of time, but because I stopped feeding it validation.
I thank them. I forgive myself. I move forward.
Not all relationships have to end with togetherness.
Some just need to end with truth.
– Neha"
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FINAL DIALOGUE
Madhukar:
So she found her truth.
Naveen:
I almost texted her last week. Then I remembered —
sometimes not reaching out is the real respect.
Vaishali:
We three were never a group.
We were never five.
We were five strangers in a sinking ship.
Now, we’re two people who wave to each other from our own boats.
Madhukar:
And that is better than clinging to a shipwreck.
You are no longer victims.
You are no longer faking warmth.
You are free to be alone — and still not lonely.
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CLOSING IMAGE
Adhya, Anju, and Vaishali’s son run in circles, laughing.
They don’t know words like “trauma” or “shared enemies.”
They just play.
Madhukar watches the adults.
There’s no group photo.
No attempt to hold on.
Just sunlight.
Mud.
And people finally whole.
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