FATHER IS IRRELEVANT, MOTHER IS A MONSTER, AND CHILD IS NO ANGEL
- Madhukar Dama
- May 3
- 4 min read
INTRODUCTION
Welcome to the Indian household.
Where love is duty, presence is possession, and silence is culture.
Where fathers vanish behind jobs, mothers drown in martyrdom, and children become products of pressure.
This is not a family.
It is a hierarchy of trauma dressed in rituals, roles, and respect.
The father is a bank account, the mother is a martyr with mood swings, and the child is the battlefield.
Yet everyone claims to love each other.
PART 1: THE FATHER — PRESENT YET ABSENT
The Distant Breadwinner
Leaves before sunrise, returns after dinner.
Thinks paying school fees is parenting.
Doesn’t know the child’s fears, dreams, or daily rhythm.
Spends more time with the TV remote than with the child.
Emotional Illiteracy
Grew up without affection, so believes silence is strength.
Can’t say “I love you,” but hands over money as a substitute.
Misunderstands respect as fear.
Escape Mechanisms
Local politics, religious debates, cricket scores, long bike rides to nowhere.
Anything to avoid emotional presence.
Loves being called “practical.” Hates when asked to be vulnerable.
Power Without Participation
Makes major decisions — house, car, school — without knowing real needs.
Thinks he's the head, but doesn't notice the family is drifting.
Legacy of Emptiness
Inherited numbness from his own father.
Passes it on with his silence.
PART 2: THE MOTHER — A PRISONER IN THE KITCHEN, A TYRANT IN THE MIND
The Worshipped Sufferer
She “sacrificed everything,” but reminds everyone every day.
Uses exhaustion as entitlement.
Her worth is in feeding, cleaning, controlling.
Love is Control
Measures the child's character by folded clothes, marks, and obedience.
Believes a strict child is a good child.
Treats affection as a reward for performance.
The Emotionally Starved Girl Inside
She was never allowed to rest, dream, or rebel.
Now she resents the child who can.
Projects her unlived life onto her daughter.
Competes with her daughter’s youth and shames her son’s sensitivity.
Addicted to Image
Measures worth by guests’ compliments, neighbors’ envy, or relatives’ comments.
Says, “What will people say?” before asking, “What do you feel?”
Spiritual Blackmail
Uses religion to manipulate: “God will punish you,” “Mother’s curse is real.”
Teaches guilt instead of boundaries.
Hoarder of Pain
Keeps every old dress, memory, hurt.
Equates pain with purity.
Hates joy in others if it didn’t come through sacrifice.
PART 3: THE CHILD — NOT INNOCENT, JUST UNSEEN
Raised, Not Understood
Fed, schooled, vaccinated — but never listened to.
Decisions made “for their good” without their voice.
Taught obedience, not awareness.
Emotional Tug-of-War
Father’s silence vs. mother’s pressure.
Confused between duty and desire.
Doesn’t know if they are loved or trained.
Addicted to Praise
Can’t do anything without being watched, judged, or ranked.
Studies not to learn, but to win approval.
Even kindness becomes performance.
Entitled but Empty
Given everything — but doesn’t value anything.
Can complain about food while eating it.
Resents rules, but fears freedom.
Spoiled by Grandparents, Abandoned by Parents
Grandparents overindulge with sweets and sympathy.
Parents are too busy or bitter.
Nobody truly sees them.
Spiritually Hollow
Knows ten shlokas but not what peace feels like.
Fasts for exams, not inner clarity.
Seeks validation from temple rituals, not truth.
PART 4: THE HOUSEHOLD — A WARZONE DISGUISED AS LOVE
Meals Without Connection
Everyone eats together, but chews alone.
No eye contact, no laughter — just chewing and scrolling.
Food is offered, not shared.
Festivals Without Feeling
Lights, sweets, photos — but no joy.
Celebrations feel like competitions.
“Wear this, smile here, touch feet, shut up.”
Communication as Criticism
Every conversation turns into advice, sarcasm, or scolding.
Vulnerability is mocked.
Laughter is rare. Silence is misunderstood.
Privacy is Rebellion
Wanting space means “you don’t love us.”
Wanting truth means “you are ungrateful.”
No Room for Questions
Ask “why?” and be labeled arrogant.
Ask “what if?” and be labeled foolish.
Asking is not encouraged — obeying is.
PART 5: THE FAMILY THAT ISN’T
Not a team.
Not a refuge.
Not even a dialogue.
Just inherited roles, passed down like old utensils — dented, misused, never questioned.
Everyone is tired, but no one admits it.
Everyone is hurting, but no one asks why.
They call it sanskaar. It’s survival.
PART 6: THE UNSEEN COSTS
Mental Illness Hidden as “Mood Swings”
Depression masked by irritability.
Anxiety dismissed as “nervousness.”
Health as a Weapon
Falling sick to gain attention.
Using illness to escape responsibility or control others.
Economic Dependence as Emotional Blackmail
“We spent so much on you” used to buy silence.
Money as leverage instead of support.
Caste, Class, and Gender Roles Enforced in Silence
Boys don’t cry. Girls don’t speak.
Sons matter. Daughters adjust.
The burden of image carried by the youngest spine.
PART 7: THE START OF HEALING
Make the Father Present, Not Just Accountable
Let him fail, rest, love, cry.
Invite him into parenting, not just payment.
Help the Mother Rest and Reclaim Herself
Ask her what she wants.
Tell her she doesn’t need to be exhausted to be loved.
Let the Child Be Human
Stop over-scheduling.
Teach them cooking, waiting, honesty, and nature.
Let them cry without being fixed.
Rebuild the Home as a Place of Truth
Fewer sermons, more stories.
Fewer rituals, more realness.
More touch, more eye contact, more silence — the kind that heals.
CONCLUSION
This is not about blaming.
It’s about naming.
Because healing begins with truth.
And the truth is — most Indian families are not built on love.
They are built on roles, silence, fear, and illusion.
But they can be unbuilt.
And rebuilt — with rest, responsibility, and real presence.
Burn the myth. Save the people.
