EVERYONE THINKS THEY’RE INNOCENT — AND THAT’S THE PROBLEM
- Madhukar Dama
- May 10
- 11 min read
---
1. INTRODUCTION: THE UNIVERSAL LIE WE TELL OURSELVES
Nobody sees themselves as the villain.
Even when they cheat, lie, manipulate, betray, or exploit—people believe they had a “reason.”
It was “necessary.” It was “not that bad.”
They say, “I had no choice.” “It wasn’t my fault.” “They deserved it.”
This is how almost every human mind protects itself: by believing it’s innocent.
---
2. THE REAL REASON: SELF-PROTECTION, NOT TRUTH
We lie to ourselves not because we’re evil, but because we’re fragile.
If you accept that you hurt someone, misused power, or acted from selfishness—
you feel guilt, shame, fear of judgment, or loss of identity.
So the brain does what it has always done:
It rewrites the story so that you’re the good guy.
That way, you don’t have to change.
You just have to keep explaining.
---
3. COMMON TACTICS TO MAINTAIN THE ‘INNOCENT SELF’
1. Blame shifting: “It wasn’t me. It was them.”
2. Minimization: “It wasn’t a big deal.”
3. Redirection: “Why are you talking about this now?”
4. Emotional hijack: “You’re hurting me by bringing this up.”
5. Comparison: “At least I didn’t do what they did.”
6. Justification: “I had no choice.”
7. Moral camouflage: “I was only trying to help.”
8. Technical defense: “I didn’t say that. I just implied it.”
These tactics are so deeply practiced, people use them without noticing.
---
4. WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM
1. You can’t grow if you always think you’re right.
Without accountability, stupidity becomes permanent.
2. You destroy relationships.
People around you eventually see through your excuses.
They lose trust—even if you still believe you’re innocent.
3. You repeat the same harm.
If nothing is ever your fault, then you never change.
Same decisions, same mistakes, new victims.
4. You stay emotionally shallow.
Real emotional maturity only begins when you admit:
I messed up. I hurt someone. I was selfish. I was scared.
---
5. HOW CULTURE MAKES IT WORSE
Religion says you’re forgiven if you confess to a higher power—but doesn’t make you face the person you hurt.
Law treats you as innocent until proven guilty—but morally you may already be wrong.
Politics trains leaders to deny and spin until people forget.
Social media rewards who defends themselves the loudest, not who reflects the deepest.
Family systems often side with the one who cries more or has higher status, not the one who’s right.
Everyone is rewarded for performing innocence—not owning responsibility.
---
6. HOW THIS LOOKS IN DAILY LIFE
A parent who yells at their child says, “I’m stressed. You don’t understand what I go through.”
A spouse who lies says, “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to hurt you.”
A boss who overworks employees says, “This is how the industry works.”
A friend who betrays you says, “I had to do what was best for me.”
A liar says, “I didn’t lie. I just left out some details.”
Every sentence avoids one word: “I was wrong.”
---
7. HOW TO BREAK THE CYCLE
STEP 1: Catch yourself justifying.
If you’re explaining more than listening, stop.
STEP 2: Say it clearly.
No “but.” No “if.” Just:
“I lied.”
“I used you.”
“I was lazy.”
“I was afraid.”
STEP 3: Sit with the shame.
Let it burn. That’s where growth begins.
STEP 4: Repair, don’t perform.
Say sorry directly. Don’t explain. Don’t overtalk.
Ask what the other person needs, not what makes you feel better.
STEP 5: Change behavior.
If you admit fault but don’t change, you’re just rehearsing innocence in a new form.
---
8. FINAL TRUTH: NOBODY IS FULLY INNOCENT
Everyone has lied.
Everyone has hurt someone.
Everyone has manipulated in some way.
It’s not about guilt. It’s about what you do after you see it.
Only people who admit they’re not innocent become trustworthy.
Only people who see their darkness become capable of real light.
And only people who give up the illusion of innocence…
finally become honest.
---
---
Healing dialogue featuring Patil Bhimanna Sangolgi, a powerful but tormented man from Sangolgi village in Bidar, now old and seeking redemption.
---
TITLE: "WHEN THE EARTH DOESN’T FORGIVE, WHERE DO YOU GO?"
Setting: A hot summer afternoon. Patil Bhimanna, once the most feared man in the region, now aged 76, sits on a cot under a neem tree outside a humble mud house. Across from him sits Madhukar, a quiet man known for listening more than speaking.
---
PART 1: THE FALL OF THE UNTOUCHABLE POWER
Patil Bhimanna:
(voice shaking slightly)
You know who I am, don’t you?
Madhukar:
I know what you have become. That’s more important than who you were.
Patil:
People still bend their neck when I walk. But now… my own son doesn’t sit with me. My wife cooks separately. I sleep alone. No land, no respect, no peace.
What kind of curse is this?
Madhukar:
It’s not a curse. It’s just that your sins stopped fearing you.
---
PART 2: A LIFETIME OF ESCAPE
Patil:
I didn’t do anything others didn’t do.
Every Patil kept extra land.
Every landlord took what was lying unclaimed.
And those women… they came willingly.
Madhukar:
And the lies?
Patil:
(quiet)
I said I would return people’s money.
They had no documents.
What could they do?
Madhukar:
Your tongue knew the trick.
But now your throat is dry.
You want truth, but don’t know how to speak it anymore.
---
PART 3: THE BURNING GROUND OF MEMORY
Patil:
I hear their voices at night.
Malla’s wife.
Hanumantha’s daughter.
The sharecroppers.
Even my cousin’s boy who killed himself after I humiliated him.
They don’t speak words. They just breathe loudly in my sleep.
Madhukar:
Because your memory is not dead.
Memory doesn’t live in the brain. It lives in the land you touched, the hearts you broke, and the air around your house.
You thought you escaped punishment.
But punishment was waiting for your body to slow down—so it could catch up.
---
PART 4: NO ONE LEFT TO FEAR YOU
Patil:
Once I had four men with sticks.
Now even the postman doesn’t greet me.
Madhukar:
Because power feeds on fear.
And fear is young.
It doesn’t live near old, trembling hands.
Now that you can’t harm anyone, your story is being rewritten.
By those you wronged.
And their children.
---
PART 5: THE REAL QUESTION
Madhukar:
So, why have you come?
Patil:
I want peace.
Not forgiveness—maybe I don’t deserve it.
But I want to feel something clean before I die.
Madhukar:
Then start bleeding the pus out.
Name every wound you caused.
Name the lands.
Name the women.
Name the lies.
And then let go of your name.
---
PART 6: THE CONFESSION BEGINS
Patil:
I stole four acres from my cousin after his stroke.
Signed it on his behalf.
Told his children I’d return it after settlement. Never did.
They still live in a tin shed.
I took 16 loans from laborers promising high interest.
Didn’t repay even one.
Two died. One turned mad.
The others still nod and smile when they see me, but they never meet my eyes.
I had five women.
Beyond my wife.
Some young. Some married.
One tried to kill herself when I refused to marry her daughter.
I blamed her character.
Everyone believed me.
I beat a man in front of his wife for walking through my field without asking.
The same man now gives water to my cows.
He never stopped.
Madhukar:
How does it feel to say it aloud?
Patil:
Like something is unclogging inside my chest.
But it burns.
---
PART 7: THE BEGINNING OF HEALING
Madhukar:
Now go and sit with each person you named.
No speech. No money.
Just sit.
Let them speak. Let them spit. Let them stay silent.
Then you will start to feel what you never allowed others to feel.
Patil:
They won’t accept.
Madhukar:
That is not the point.
Healing begins when you stop seeking acceptance.
And start accepting pain.
---
PART 8: LETTING GO OF POWER
Patil:
What should I do with what’s left?
The fields, the cattle, the house?
Madhukar:
Name each thing after someone you harmed.
And give it without ceremony.
If they refuse, give it to someone else quietly.
But never keep it.
Every object you gained with deceit carries your ache.
Let go if you want rest.
---
PART 9: THE FINAL TEACHING
Madhukar:
You’re not the only one.
You were just more visible.
But many are dying with clean records and rotting souls.
Patil:
Then why do I feel worse?
Madhukar:
Because you finally became human.
---
---
Here is Part 2 of the healing dialogue for Patil Bhimanna Sangolgi, now facing the village, one soul at a time, in the last stretch of life.
---
TITLE: “NO MAN ESCAPES THE LAND HE BETRAYED”
Setting: Sangolgi village, early morning. Bhimanna has started visiting homes of those he harmed. He walks alone, without his former escort, carrying a small cotton bag and a notebook. Villagers notice. Silence follows him.
---
PART 10: FACING THE FIRST HOUSE
Bhimanna:
(standing at the edge of Malla’s courtyard)
Your mother here?
Malla’s Son:
(suspicious)
Why?
Bhimanna:
To listen. Not to speak.
(Silence. The old woman steps out. Wrinkled, bent, but with eyes sharp as scythes.)
Malla’s Widow:
You remember me now?
My husband died with your name in his mouth.
You said he drank the loan. He was a teetotaller.
You spat on his corpse with your signature.
Now what?
Bhimanna:
I have no words.
Malla’s Widow:
Then sit on the mud.
(He sits. No one speaks. The rooster crows. A dog barks. Bhimanna doesn’t move. After 20 minutes, she turns and walks inside.)
---
PART 11: THE DAUGHTER OF HANUMANTHA
Young Woman:
You remember me?
Bhimanna:
Yes.
Her Voice:
You whispered things into my mother’s ear and promised school fees for me.
You gave her shame. And gave me silence.
I left school. I scrub floors now.
Do you think sitting here is enough?
Bhimanna:
No.
That’s why I’ll come again tomorrow.
And the day after.
---
PART 12: THE MEN WHO NODDED
Old Labourer:
We smiled at you because we had to feed our families.
You made us laugh at our own humiliation.
Bhimanna:
Will you take my cows?
Old Labourer:
No.
But you can clean their dung.
Like I did for your fields.
Come every morning. No talking.
(Bhimanna nods.)
---
PART 13: FAMILY DOESN’T FORGIVE EASILY
His Wife:
You think this spectacle will make you pure?
Bhimanna:
No.
But I can’t carry it anymore.
Even if you throw stones at me, at least they’ll hit my skin, not my chest.
His Son:
You named land after everyone but your own blood.
What’s left for us?
Bhimanna:
What I earned honestly.
A few coins.
And whatever dignity you build with your own hands.
---
PART 14: A VILLAGE GATHERS
(A panchayat-like meeting is called. Some come out of curiosity. Others in anger. A few in mockery.)
Bhimanna (standing):
I didn’t come here to seek forgiveness.
I came here so that your anger has a face.
You can reject me, insult me, or ignore me.
But I will keep returning until I die.
Village Elder:
And what if we accept you?
Bhimanna:
Then I’ll sit quietly in the back.
Like a man who has no land to show, only skin that’s ready to be burned.
---
PART 15: HEALING THROUGH HUMILITY
Madhukar (visiting quietly):
You’ve started cleaning what can’t be cleaned.
How do you feel?
Bhimanna:
Each morning I wake up afraid.
But it’s the first honest fear of my life.
Madhukar:
Fear means you’re alive.
Guilt means your soul still works.
And service—without words—is your only path now.
---
PART 16: THE FINAL GIFT
Bhimanna (writing in notebook):
This land was taken by deceit.
I name it after Gangamma.
She was never mine, though I took her.
(He walks to the tehsildar's office with documents. Leaves them. Refuses photo, thanks, or ceremony.)
---
PART 17: THE LAST RECOGNITION
A small girl, daughter of a man Bhimanna once beat publicly, comes and hands him a clay pot of water.
Girl:
Appa says your hands are shaking.
He said to drink this before you sweep.
(Bhimanna kneels, drinks quietly, eyes full.)
---
EPILOGUE: THE MAN WHO SWEEPED TILL THE END
He died on a summer afternoon.
No speeches.
But the village children who once ran away now carried his body to the cremation ground.
The mud on his hands remained even after his last breath.
For the first time, he left the world without owing anything.
---
---
---
“I’M STILL A GOOD MAN, DAMMIT”
(or how we build temples of logic to hide our sins)
---
I didn’t steal the land,
I consolidated it.
They weren’t using it.
I just gave it purpose.
I didn’t cheat in the tender,
I was just smart enough to know who to talk to.
Everyone does it.
I just did it better.
I didn’t lie in court,
I adjusted the truth to avoid drama.
Why open old wounds?
I didn’t beat my wife,
I just lost control once or twice.
She talks too much.
I didn’t sexually harass her,
It was a compliment.
She smiled last week, remember?
I didn’t abandon my parents,
They were too old to understand me.
They had their life.
I have mine.
I didn’t skip child support,
The kid has a mother, doesn’t he?
I didn’t exploit my workers,
I gave them jobs.
So what if I kept most of the profit?
I didn’t bribe the official,
I facilitated a faster process.
I didn’t rape her.
She didn’t say no loud enough.
I didn’t plagiarize.
I just researched deeply.
I didn’t dodge taxes.
I optimized my earnings.
I didn’t manipulate her.
I just used what she gave me.
I didn’t steal from my brother.
I inherited early.
I didn’t humiliate my friend.
He needed to be taught a lesson.
I didn’t abuse my position.
I just exercised authority.
I didn’t gaslight my partner.
She’s just too emotional to understand my logic.
I didn’t mock the poor.
I only said what everyone thinks.
I didn’t ruin that student’s future.
He was never serious anyway.
I didn’t sabotage her promotion.
She wasn’t ready.
I didn’t destroy my child’s confidence.
I just had high expectations.
I didn’t cut the tree.
I built development.
I didn’t pollute the river.
I expanded industry.
I didn’t blackmail anyone.
I protected myself.
I didn’t spread that rumor.
I just passed on what I heard.
I didn’t get drunk and drive.
I was in control.
I didn’t hit that child.
I disciplined him.
I didn’t insult my caste worker.
He crossed a line.
I didn’t push her to suicide.
She was already weak.
I didn’t make fun of his disability.
He needs to learn to laugh at himself.
I didn’t use religion.
I defended my culture.
I didn’t deny them the job.
They weren’t the right fit.
I didn’t laugh at their poverty.
I was just being honest.
I didn’t fake illness.
I needed a break.
I didn’t bully the new guy.
He needed to toughen up.
I didn’t use my friend's sister.
We were just spending time.
I didn’t beat the dog.
He barked too much.
I didn’t hoard supplies during lockdown.
I have a family too.
I didn’t abandon my village.
I needed a better life.
I didn’t forget their help.
They should’ve reminded me.
I didn’t neglect the old man.
He never asked for anything.
I didn’t scam that girl online.
She was foolish.
I didn’t shout at the waiter.
He made a mistake.
I didn’t copy that artist’s work.
I was inspired.
I didn’t falsify that document.
I needed it done fast.
I didn’t mock her accent.
It was just a joke.
I didn’t punch the boy.
He disrespected me.
I didn’t betray my friend.
He left an opening.
I didn’t break the trust.
I changed my mind.
---
They all say:
I’m still a good man.
Just misunderstood.
Just practical.
Just wounded.
Just cornered.
And they sleep like that.
On soft pillows of logic,
under blankets of self-made innocence.
But the mirror doesn’t lie.
It waits.
It watches.
And one night, when the excuses have holes and the breath turns heavy,
it will whisper:
You built your house on rot — and now the termites are inside your bones.
---
