DRINKING MY URINE TRANSFORMED MY LIFE
- Madhukar Dama
- Sep 26
- 20 min read
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There are moments in life when the walls begin to close in.
When every breath feels borrowed, when medicine after medicine turns to dust, when the promises of institutions dissolve into shadows. I had lived years like this ā exhausted by asthma, wounded by ulcers, disillusioned by systems I once trusted. Behind every struggle was a silent ache: Is this all life can offer?
But beneath that ache was also a whisper ā a need to reconnect. Not with hospitals, not with authority, but with something simpler, older, truer. With the body itself. With the earth beneath bare feet. With the hidden wells of healing that lie closer than we dare to look.
This is not a prescription, nor a doctrine. It is the record of one manās pilgrimage ā away from suffocation and despair, toward a rediscovery of trust, simplicity, and wholeness. I invite you to walk with me, not to imitate me, but to witness how a broken road can sometimes lead back to the source.
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I. The Night Smothered in Breathlessness
In 2000 I sat in the dormitory of the Veterinary College in Bidarāheart pounding, chest convulsed, and the darkness creeping in. I was 19 then, but I had already carried asthma for 15+ years. Night after night, the air turned traitor inside meāthe whistle of breath, the tight cage of ribs, the choking desperation.
Asthma, in its many faces I knew too well:
a sudden wheeze as air forces its way through narrowed tubes;
a crushing tightness, as if invisible bands cinch the lungs;
a cough that claws the throat awake after midnight;
breathlessness that makes the whole body tremble with the effort to live;
and the fear that the next moment might be one too many.
I had tried all roadsāallopathy, homeopathy, ayurvedic potions, local folk cures. None freed me. Each night I counted seconds between breaths; each day I counted the cost. And yet one light refused to go out: I read. I devoured every magazine that reached our library. In HEALTH magazine a pattern flashed again and againāpeople who healed through movement, sweat, discipline. Something whispered: perhaps the body remembers the path back to wholeness if I ask it with love and persistence.
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II. The First StepsāRunning Into My Own Breath
So I began. Mornings. Hesitant. Two steps and I gasped. Five and my chest burned. But I kept returning. Dawn after dawn I laced up, stepped out, and joggedāslowly, painfullyāwhile the skyās first light negotiated with my lungs.
Weeks later I could go farther. I nudged speed and distance, never forcing, only listening. After three months I did the unthinkable: five kilometres without stopping. My asthmaāmy long, stubborn companionāvanished like a shadow exposed to sun. It has not returned.
That was my first radical lesson: the body is a temple of possibility. Ask it for breath with patience, it offers strength in return. A belief crumbledāthat asthma had to be forever. A faith was bornāthat life sometimes answers when we meet it halfway.
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III. The Cold Mountains of PalampurāA Test Passed
In 2004, I moved to Palampur, Himachal Pradesh, for post-graduate studies. Friends warned me: āThe cold will ambush you.ā But the mountains wrapped me like an old friend. No attacks. I walked through dewy mornings and silent pines and felt my body trust itself. The cold was no longer the enemy; it was a companion that taught me steadiness.
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IV. The Wandering of DreamsāResignations and Disillusionments
In 2006 I became a Veterinary Officer. Three months later, I resigned.
Because my heart demanded meaning. Because bureaucracy and stagnation dulled the spirit. Because I knew the siren call of freedom when I heard it.
Many leave government jobs in India for reasons I, too, tasted:
1. stagnant bureaucracy and dim autonomy;
2. interference and petty power;
3. mismatched expectations;
4. time-bound growth without merit;
5. a deep desire for creative freedom.
I pivoted to research with a CSIR-JRF at CDRI, Lucknow. In my second year I registered for a PhD with JNU, Delhi. I married my amazing wife there. Paradise seemed nearāaccess to any journal, any article, all the worldās knowledge. But inside that Eden the snake was familiar: empty libraries, unethical research behaviour, ambition bending truth, salaries and promotions worshipped as gods. My wifeās stress rose with our first daughter, Adhya, growing within her. I asked: What is the cost of my ambition?
So, after four and a half yearsāfour papers published and a full draft in handāI walked away. Degrees, institutions, applauseāI laid them down to protect what mattered: peace in my home, integrity in my soul.
I tried a private firm. Scale looked grand; reality was small. Contract research organisations struggled with misaligned incentives, heavy compliance, talent shortages, client squeezing, and fragmented systems. I left.
(Assistant Professor)
I joined KVAFSU as an Assistant Professor, placed at the Institute of Wildlife Veterinary Research, Coorg. My heart soaredāforest work, field work, wild healing. But there was almost nothing to do except clerical routines. It broke me again. So I quietly taught myself the crafts I needed and began freelancingāstatistics, trial design, interpretation, writingāfor scientists and pharma across the world. Clients came. Money followed.
Then the shadow lengthened. I overworked. I drank. I multiplied earnings and hollowed myself. A duodenal ulcer began to sing its relentless song; for two years I bent with the pain. Our second daughter, Anju, arrivedāpure light. We moved closer to Karnatakaās north, to Hubli. I invested, opened a gym with a trainer from Mangaluru, tried online venturesāeach turned into overwork and eventual closure. So I turned to minimalismānot as fashion, but as survival.
Adhya started play school and soon told me she hated it. I listened. We stepped out. At a National Homeschoolersā meet in Goa, living with a hundred families from across the world, we discovered a way of learning that matched our souls. Our daughters have grown as radiant homeschoolers ever since.
Then came the heaviest blow: we moved to my hometown near my parents, expecting embrace and found judgment. Whispers about quitting jobs, leaving the PhD, minimalism, homeschooling. The loved ones hurt most. One evening I told my wife: Letās find a completely new way to live. We packed clothes and groceries, bought an electric cooker, and hit the road.
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V. Uprooted to the ForestāThe Dance of Disillusionment and Discovery
First stop: Hyderabad with my brother and his wife. Then Vijayawada, Visakhapatnam; at Kakinada I met Dr. Anisetti Tammayya and learned to heal with gentle alternative remediesāmy wifeās psoriasis responded and hope bloomed. We travelled south: Pondicherryās quiet lanes; Maduraiās ancient pulse; the Vivekananda Ashram at Kanyakumari; Ootyās mists; Wayanad with my friend Ranjith; Virajpet with my classmate Dr. Naveenās beautiful family; Dharwad with a kind homeschooler family; a Jeevan Vidya workshop; Sirsi; coastal Maharashtra; Gujarat. Eighty days of learning to trust strangers and our own feet.
We returned to Humanabad, then chose a different courage. We moved to a village called Halligeri near Dharwad and lived like poor farm labourersāvolunteering on a farm for half a year. We learned the literacy of soil: seasons, seeds, silence.
At Puvidham Farm School in Dharmapuri, I met Meenakshi didi, who had walked a similar question through her life and land. She handed me a book: The Golden Fountain: The Complete Guide to Urine Therapy by Coen van der Kroon. My palms tingled. I felt a door open that I had once mocked but now recognized.
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VI. Drinking My Urine Transformed My Life
I did not leap blindly. I researched. I read Armstrongās The Water of Life. I traced references to Shivambu Kalpa Vidhi in the Damar Tantra. I met and listened to many who practicedātheir cautions, their devotion, their stories. And I learned that Morarji Desai, former Prime Minister of India, publicly advocated auto-urine therapy decades ago, speaking about it on 60 Minutes.
(A gentle note from my present self: mainstream medical consensus says there is no reliable clinical evidence that urine therapy treats disease, and doctors warn of risks. My account is a personal, spiritual journeyānot medical advice.)
What this practice isābeyond the mechanics
Urine therapyāautourine, Amaroli, Shivambuāis the simplest ritual I have ever known: a sip of oneās own fresh morning urine, sometimes diluted; sometimes external applications. But under the simplicity lies a sacred act: I return what I cast out. I tell my body, I trust you. I tell nature, I am not separate. The healer stops being an outsider; he becomes my own listening.
Why crisis drew me here
Disillusionment stripped meājobs, labels, applause, even the comfort of family approval. When the scaffolding fell, I reached for something primordial: the earth under my feet, the water in my cells, the breath that held me alive on nights of asthma. Urine therapy became a mirror. What society calls waste, I learned to receive as message. What I had despised in myself, I learned to welcome with reverence. This practice asked for humility, attention, and a vow to live quietly in the laws of nature.
How I walked it
I began with a small sip at dawn, on an empty stomach, after mindful hydration the previous day and simple food. I observedātaste, mood, energy, sleep, skin, digestion. I adjusted. Over time I explored external applications, foot soaks, gentle rubbing on skin. I kept it intimate, unadvertised, prayerful.
What changed in me
Over four years the changes were not fireworks but a slow dawn:
my digestion steadied; ulcer pain softened;
my energy evened; the addiction to overwork loosened its grip;
shame, guilt, fear began to unravel;
seasonal fluctuations bothered me less;
my sleep deepened and my mornings grew clear;
I felt myself belong againāto earth, to breath, to the trees I planted;
my resistance to despair thinned; courage returned;
most of all, I began to trust my chosen pathāsimplicity, minimalism, and living as a healer through dialogue rather than prescriptions.
Alongside the inner work, our outer life took form. We found land and began to midwife a forestātrees, fruits, vegetables, flowers, herbs, medicine plants. People started visiting for healing dialoguesāto unlearn fear, to listen to their bodies, to change food and rhythms. I have watched, again and again, people reverse sugar and pressure and thyroid troubles, and many modern syndromes, even early-stage cancersānot because I ātreatedā them, but because they remembered how to participate in their own healing. (I offer stories, not claims; nature does the work.)
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VII. The 109 Life-Transforming Things That We Achieved In Last Seven Years
1. Replaced sugar with jaggery.
2. Home remedies and herbs are used for minor diseases instead of medicines.
3. Growing almost all of our vegetables.
4. Eating organically grown grains.
5. Replaced white rice with unpolished rice.
6. Shifted completely to cold pressed cooking oil.
7. Replaced refined, iodised salt with unrefined, uniodized sea salt.
8. Stopped using the pressure cooker completely.
9. Stopped using bathing soap.
10. Replaced shampoo with shikakai powder.
11. Both of us naturally restored vision in eyes & discontinued vision glasses.
12. Eliminated bed and started sleeping on the floor.
13. Eliminated the dining table and started eating by sitting on the floor.
14. Growing all our fruits.
15. Completely stopped watching television.
16. Discontinued the ownership of the car.
17. Discontinued making tea at home.
18. Discontinued bringing milk and all dairy products to home.
19. Discontinued refrigerator use completely.
20. Shifted completely to handloom & 100% cotton clothes.
21. Started stitching clothes.
22. Discontinued 9 to 5 job.
23. Discontinued Facebook use.
24. Eating only when hungry.
25. Discontinued overworking.
26. Stopped taking and giving loans.
27. Minimized consumption of non-vegetarian foods.
28. Discontinued eating non-seasonal & non-local foods.
29. Minimised dry fruits consumption by 99%.
30. Shifted from using toothpaste and toothbrush to using tooth powder. Occasionally when necessary, a toothbrush is used.
31. Made it a habit to brush without fail before going to bed at night.
32. Dinner is taken before 7 PM.
33. Discontinued dysfunctional relationships.
34. Started watching for disease triggers in food, thinking, behaviours and lifestyle.
35. Implemented a habit of following rules and laws of the government.
36. Shifted from LPG stove to coal based slow steam cooker.
37. Gave up bathing with hot water.
38. Stopped going out after 4 PM.
39. Stopped traveling at night.
40. Started the business of Sanjeevini as it was very joyful for the entire family.
41. For education of children, replaced rote learning of schools with natural experiential learning. Unschooling.
42. Implemented minimalism in everything we use and consume.
43. We laugh a lot and enjoy everyday by doing whatever we want to.
44. We have been living without electricity connection for 5 years. Solar panels are used for lighting, charging phones and laptop and pumping water from the lake.
45. Stopped buying to satisfy others.
46. Shifted to washing clothes by hand from using a washing machine.
47. Discontinued dishwasher machine.
48. Shifted from using harsh commercial laundry soaps to using natural RAJ SOAP.
49. We now grow every tree that we like. We have been growing apple, avocado, chocolate and 60+ types of fruit trees successfully.
50. Implemented the practice of patience to overcome stress.
51. Stopped all maida based cooking.
52. Achieved plenty of self reliance.
53. Created a garden without using modern tools, chemicals and machineries.
54. Gave up searching and seeking for newer things and options.
55. We make our own charcoal many times.
56. Discontinued the unnecessary use of a laptop.
57. Started making small repairs, constructions and building works ourselves.
58. Adopted two street dogs that have grown nicely.
59. Shifted from indoor septic tank based toilet to outdoor Humanure compost dry toilet.
60. Everyone participates in every activity at home, garden and work.
61. Children also wash clothes, clean dishes, sweep home, cook food and make their beds.
62. Tremendously reduced cost of living & spending. Don't think we live a deprived life, we spend generously wherever necessary!
63. Adopted two village ladies for farm maintenance.
64. Tea, coffee, and carbonated beverages were replaced with homemade chocolate drinks sweetened with jaggery.
65. When frustrated, we meditate or go for fasting.
66. We go for long daily walks in the hills in winters and summers.
67. We carry our own heavy-duty canvas bags for shopping so that plastic use can be minimized.
68. Donated a part of land for making road for the convenience of the villagers.
69. Shifted from using modern RO filters to drinking lake water with minimal filtration.
70. Learned to ignore unnecessary greedy thoughts that always pop in the head.
71. Purchased land in a forested area. This was a big dream of our family
72. Nine years of life on the farm completed.
73. Started accepting the reality as it is, instead of seeing problems everywhere.
74. Hosted plenty of lost, confused, abused and sick persons and families looking for healing and directions in life. They all healed!
75. Gave up participation and organization of unnecessary events.
76. Started using simpler vehicles like scooters and TVS moped.
77. Gave up efforts to change what cannot be changed.
78. Developed a moral fabric & strength to avoid cheating & getting cheated.
79. Made it a habit to get exposed to the sunlight for many hours daily.
80. Gave up using shoes. Now we use the simplest footwear and walk barefoot as much as possible.
81. When we have a difference of opinion, we talk it out and resolve honestly.
82. Started loving, appreciating and accepting ourself/myself instead of pointing out deficiencies.
83. We try to keep our business honest, clean and ethical.
84. We started taking legal routes to overcome problems created by others. Let the right one win, even if I lose. This way, fights were completely resolved.
85. We make sure that too much attachment is not developing with ourself, each other, materials and work. We practice ways to detach when unhealthy attachment develops.
86. Shifted from traveling for pleasure to traveling for learning.
87. As a family we have guided thousands of people in successfully reversing hundreds of tough diseases.
88. We make conscious efforts to write, make notes etc as much as possible.
89. Adhya writes a daily journal.
90. Checklist is used by everyone in our family. This eliminates the need to remember the tasks and avoids mistakes.
91. We have helped hundreds of people by teaching the preparation of Sanjeevini, who cannot pay for Sanjeevini.
92. We still have enemies. We have realized that whatever we do, we will always have enemies. It's ok.
93. We always watch out for health and weight. Immediate measures are taken when any health issue or weight gain happens.
94. We have consciously given up our desire to be called good! That's not possible and not necessary. Instead, we try to be realistic and practical.
95. We have developed a tolerance for all belief systems & religious practices, including atheism.
96. When angry, frustrated or when we feel hopeless, we go for a long long walk. And come back mostly without the worry or a simple solution for it. It always helps.
97. We eat whatever we want when we go out. At home, it's always simple foods.
98. We have stopped expecting returns from others. We do our best and forget.
99. We eat all meals of the day together.
100. We have learnt to not allow others' opinions to affect the wellbeing of our family.
101. We are always willing to make changes and adapt if it is good.
102. Use of addictives has been tremendously reduced. I stopped smoking and minimized alcohol consumption drastically. Tea, coffee, sugar and all such addictives have been minimized tremendously.
103. We fight less now. This was possible as we focused on the cause of the fight, instead of winning for the sake of ego.
104. Lot of so-called relatives, friends and colleagues developed differences with our way of living. It's ok. That's their choice.
105. We are in peace with snakes, finally. We are no longer afraid of snakes.
106. We gave up long-term plans and now focus on tiny steps to be taken today. This is automatically creating a better future for us.
107. We are open to new ideas, thoughts and beliefs. We are not burdened with holding on to past promises that we made.
108. Completely discontinued all cosmetics like deo, makeup, lipstick, creams, moisturizer etc.
109. Developed Radical Fearlessness. We are now not afraid of losing what we have. We will start again from zero. We are now less afraid of not getting what we want.
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VIII. The Forest HomeāReturn to Original Nature
Today we live on our own landāa lush, layered forest of trees, fruits, vegetables, flowers, herbs, and medicines. In this quiet we practice healing dialoguesāunhurried listening, food made simple, sun on the skin, long walks, deep sleep, work with the soil. Thousands have come and many have reversed their sugar numbers, eased their pressure, calmed their thyroids, and untied knots of depression. Not by my prescriptions, but by their participation in their lives.
Here I remain: imperfect, peaceful, alive.
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IX. What This Journey Means
When the known world fails, the unknown beckons. When institutions and titles ring hollow, the body becomes teacher. When I sit in our forest at dawn and taste my own lifeās water, I remember: I am not separate from nature; I am nature.
Drinking my urine was not an act of desperation. It was a surrender. A reconnection. A declaration of trust: Body, I am with you. Earth, I am of you. Life, I listen.
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Sources I studied on this path (for context, not as proof)
Coen van der Kroon, The Golden Fountain: The Complete Guide to Urine Therapy.
J.W. Armstrong, The Water of Life.
Mentions of Shivambu Kalpa Vidhi in traditional texts and later commentaries.
Public advocacy by Morarji Desai, former Prime Minister of India.
Contemporary medical consensus noting lack of proven efficacy and potential risksāheld alongside my lived experience.
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When I look back, I do not see a neat line of cures or formulas. I see a journey of mistakes, collapses, wanderings ā and then a slow turning inward. What I once rejected as waste became my medicine. What I once feared as madness became my sanity.
The glass I raise each morning is not a cure; it is a reminder. That the body is wiser than the world teaches us to believe. That healing is not something granted from outside, but something awakened from within.
My story is not an argument, nor an instruction. It is only a lantern. If it lights a corner of your own path ā not to follow mine, but to trust your own body, your own silence, your own forest of possibilities ā then its purpose is fulfilled.
In the end, reconnecting with myself was never about urine alone. It was about remembering that nothing in me was unworthy of reverence. And perhaps, that is where all true healing begins.
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A Morning Dialogue With Madhukar at Yelmadagi
[Scene]
It is 6:00 AM. Mist lingers on the forest edge. Birds wake the sky. A family of three generations from Bengaluruāgrandfather, father and mother, and their 10-year-old daughterāarrive at Madhukarās off-grid homestead. Clay lamps still flicker from the night. They sit on coir mats while Madhukar pours them boiled lake water from a clay pot. The forest hums as the dialogue unfolds.
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1. Breaking the Ice
Grandfather: Dr. Madhukar, forgive me if I sound blunt. Drinking urine feels unthinkable. How did you even cross that barrier?
Madhukar: I understand. Disgust is the first wall. I crossed it because my sufferingāulcer pain, depression, disillusionmentāwas heavier than my disgust. And because I researched, met practitioners, read books like The Golden Fountain, and listened to my own body. Knowledge dissolved fear. Experience dissolved disgust. Reverence replaced both.
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2. What Urine Really Is
Son: But isnāt urine just dirty waste?
Madhukar: That is the biggest misunderstanding. Urine is not feces. It is a filtrate of blood. Kidneys filter plasma, removing excess salts, hormones, enzymes, trace elements. It is 95% water, 2.5% urea, and the rest minerals and bio-information. Think of it as your bodyās self-written report card. What you drink is information, not garbage.
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3. Is It Safe?
Daughter-in-law: But isnāt there a risk of infection?
Madhukar: Fresh mid-stream morning urine from a healthy person is sterile. It is safer than the saliva in your mouth. The risk comes if one has kidney infections, venereal diseases, or advanced medical conditions. Thatās why I always tell people: this is a personal choice, not a substitute for emergency medicine. Modern medicine warns of risks because no large trials exist. That is truth too. But I and thousands of others have lived its benefits.
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4. Why I Trust It
Grandfather: Then why do you trust it so much?
Madhukar: Because I watched it transform me. My digestion healed. My mind became calmer. My relationship with myself softened. It gave me faith that nature has not abandoned us. When I sip it each morning, it is like taking back power from hospitals, pharmacies, and fears.
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5. How to Start
Son: How exactly should we begin as a family?
Madhukar: Slowly. Always slowly. Start with 2ā3 drops diluted in water. Swish, spit, or swallow. Then increase graduallyāhalf a spoon, one spoon, half a cup. Mid-stream, morning, empty stomach. For children, it is unnecessary unless they are ill. For elders, start tiny. And always observe: energy, digestion, sleep, mood.
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6. Taste and Acceptance
Daughter-in-law: But the taste!
Madhukar (smiling): Yes, the taste tests your acceptance. With clean diet, it is mild. With heavy food, it is bitter. Dilute with water. Sip instead of gulping. Think of it as communion with yourself. Once you cross the threshold, it becomes natural.
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7. External Uses
Grandfather: Must it only be drunk?
Madhukar: No. Many ways:
Gargle for mouth ulcers and gum strength.
Rub on skin for eczema, psoriasis, cuts.
Eye drops (carefully, diluted).
Nasal drops for sinus.
Foot baths for calming nerves.
Massage with aged urine for joint pain.
Sometimes external use prepares you before internal practice.
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8. Diseases and Healing
Son: Can it really heal diseases?
Madhukar: I never call it a magic cure. But Iāve seen:
Digestion, ulcers, constipation improve.
Asthma, allergies, skin problems ease.
Arthritis pain reduces.
Diabetes, BP, thyroid stabilize (with diet).
Depression, anxiety soften.
Even early cancers have responded.
But always: combine with food correction, rest, sunlight, and dialogue. Urine therapy is a catalyst, not a replacement for living rightly.
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9. Spiritual Dimension
Daughter-in-law: What about spirituality?
Madhukar: In India, it is called Shivambu Kalpa Vidhi. In yoga, Amaroli. It means returning to the nectar within. Drinking it is saying: I reject nothing of myself. It erases the shame culture teaches us. It is a surrender and a celebration. You stop chasing God outside because you meet wholeness inside.
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10. Stigma and Society
Grandfather: What about society? People will mock us.
Madhukar: Yes, they will. They mocked me. They whispered about my madness. But healing is private. It is not for applause. One day those same people come quietly and ask for guidance. I tell them: healing does not need validation. It only needs sincerity.
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11. Food and Urine Quality
Son: How does diet affect it?
Madhukar: Directly.
If you eat local, seasonal, organicāurine is mild, healing.
If you eat processed, spiced, chemical-laden foodāit is harsh, acidic.
So urine therapy gently forces you to simplify food. It is a mirror of your plate.
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12. Children and Elders
Daughter-in-law: Should my daughter try?
Madhukar: Children rarely need it. Their vitality is high. But if ill, small diluted doses can help. For elders, yesāit can slow aging, give vitality, but always start slowly.
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13. Pregnancy and Women
Grandfather: What about women during pregnancy or menstruation?
Madhukar: During pregnancy, practice only with caution and guidance. In menstruation, some traditions suggest pausing. Others say menstrual blood and urine are both cleansing. Each woman must feel into her own body.
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14. Duration
Son: For how long should we continue?
Madhukar: There is no fixed rule. Some do 3 months, some a lifetime. I continue because it grounds me daily. Think of it as brushing teethāit is a ritual, not a medicine course.
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15. Fasting and Detox
Daughter-in-law: We read that some people fast on urine. Is that true?
Madhukar: Yes, Armstrong healed patients with long urine fasts. But that is extreme. Beginners should never attempt. I sometimes do half-day fastsāwater + urine. It resets digestion. But fasting is a powerful toolāapproach gently.
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16. Combination with Medicine
Grandfather: Should we stop our medicines?
Madhukar: Never suddenly. Keep your doctorās guidance. Urine therapy often reduces medicine needābut monitor sugar, BP, thyroid regularly. Healing is partnership, not rebellion.
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17. Mistakes to Avoid
Son: What mistakes should we avoid?
Madhukar:
Drinking full glass immediatelyāstart small.
Using urine when body is sick with infections.
Ignoring diet and lifestyle.
Expecting miracles without patience.
Keeping it secret but living in fearāfear poisons healing.
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18. Daily Practice
Daughter-in-law: What does your morning look like?
Madhukar: I rise before dawn. Wash. Collect mid-stream urine in a clay cup. Sip it mindfully. Then walk barefoot in forest. Sunbathe. Eat simple millet breakfast later. It is a rhythm, not a task.
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19. Psychological Healing
Grandfather: Can it heal the mind?
Madhukar: Yes. Many who practice report calmer moods, reduced depression, better sleep. Why? Because every morning begins with self-acceptance. You stop rejecting yourself. That alone heals the psyche.
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20. Legacy and Wisdom
Child (softly): Uncle, will you do this forever?
Madhukar (pausing): Yes. Because each sip tells me: I am whole. Nature provides. Nothing of me is waste. That reminder is more precious than any medicine.
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As the sun rises, the family sits quietly. They came with doubts. They leave with clarity: not certainty, but courage. The grandfather whispers, āIt is not about drinking urine. It is about drinking our own truth.ā
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I was born short of breath,
lungs like broken flutes,
every night a struggle,
fifteen years of wheezing walls.
doctors said it was forever.
they were sure.
they always are.
pills stacked up,
local remedies poured in,
but nothing gave me air.
dark thoughts started whispering
that maybe the end would be easier.
but I was a reader.
always a reader.
the library was my church.
in a dusty magazine called HEALTH
I saw survivors who ran,
who cycled,
who fought death with sweat.
so I started running.
two steps, I gasped.
five steps, I burned.
but I kept showing up at dawn,
until one day
I ran five kilometres
without stopping.
the asthma disappeared.
just like that.
and I began to mistrust
the men in white coats
who swore diseases were eternal.
I kept walking into institutions.
Lucknow, Delhi,
PhD, professors,
libraries with doors always open
but souls always shut.
papers published,
but ethics dead.
I walked away.
better to lose a degree
than lose myself.
I tried jobs,
I tried money,
I tried drinking.
everywhere it was the same:
the hunger to be bigger,
to be richer,
to be praised.
everywhere I saw hollow eyes
pretending to shine.
I got sick again.
an ulcer chewed me alive for years.
pain is a teacher.
so is failure.
I pulled my daughter out of school
when she said she hated it.
why teach her chains
when she was born for wings?
we chose homeschooling,
and she bloomed.
so did her sister later.
we hit the roadā
Hyderabad, Kakinada, Pondicherry, Ooty, Wayanadā
eighty days of carrying our lives
in one electric cooker
and a few bags.
we met strangers
who healed with herbs,
families who lived without schools,
people who grew food from bare soil.
I began to believe
there was another way.
then I met Meenakshi didi,
who handed me a book
called The Golden Fountain.
words that dared me
to drink what I had spent
my whole life rejecting.
urine.
I did not jump blindly.
I studied,
I met others,
I listened,
and then I sipped.
the disgust vanished.
in its placeā
a strange peace.
I was whole.
I was enough.
my ulcer eased.
my energy steadied.
my shame melted.
each morning became
a contract with myself:
I trust you.
I accept you.
I will not throw away
what is part of me.
people laughed.
they always do.
but my body knew better.
my forest knew better.
now I live in trees,
fruits, vegetables, herbs,
a homestead built on failure and faith.
people come here
to heal in ways
no hospital can script.
we talk, we eat, we walk,
we remember that healing is not a pill
but a way of being.
I have given up
cars, fridges, soap,
loans, television, cosmetics.
I have chosen patience,
barefoot walks,
floor beds,
unpolished rice,
charcoal fires.
I have chosen to laugh
more than to argue.
to let go
more than to hold.
this is not medicine.
this is not a cure.
this is a journey.
one manās crooked, cracked,
holy road back to himself.
I drink my urine
because it reminds me
that nothing in me is waste.
because life
is not about escaping death,
but about belonging fully
to every breath.
and if you ask me what I learnedā
it is this:
the body is wiser than the books,
the soil kinder than the cities,
and peace is found
not in what we buy,
but in what we dare
to accept.
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