"Don’t Rock the Boat, Beta" – The Sacred Status Quo in India
- Madhukar Dama
- 15 hours ago
- 4 min read
Change? Arre baba, why fix what’s been broken for 3,000 years but still functioning with jugaad and blessings?
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“Hard work never killed anyone—except maybe half the country that still believes in it.”
“Freedom of speech is sacred—right after you check with your family WhatsApp group, your boss, your neighbour, and the nearest temple committee.”
“We value education so much, we made sure it's unaffordable, outdated, and soul-crushing.”
“Society loves rebels—as long as they don’t actually change anything.”
“We don’t suppress questions—we just politely bury them under tradition, guilt, and prime-time nationalism.”
In India, being average is celebrated, and excellence is punished with advice.”
“Your caste doesn’t matter at all—unless you're trying to get married, get elected, or get a government job.”
“Here, spirituality is big business, and God accepts all major credit cards.”
“We believe in unity—until someone asks ‘why?’ Then it’s everyone for themselves.”
“Change is welcome… after 9 generations, 3 divine signs, and a clearance from the elders’ committee.”
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Education: Where Dreams Go to Memorize and Die
Ask a question, get a formula. Ask two questions, get called “over-smart.”
Don’t think outside the box — there’s no box. Just answer keys.
Want to be an artist? Beta, engineering is also creative… see, they have AutoCAD!
Why change it?
Because nothing trains future employees like 16 years of obedient cramming.
Caste System: India's Most Successful Invention (After Zero)
We say all are equal, but marriages still come with a caste certificate.
We tweet about equality from institutions built for inequality.
The system is ancient, sacred, and works perfectly—as long as you stay in your place.
Why challenge it?
Because hierarchy is tradition. And tradition is non-negotiable (just like dowry).
Gender Equality: Empower Her… But Only Till the Kitchen
Educate your daughter… so she can make PowerPoint slides and parathas.
Freedom is fine, but beta be home before sunset, okay?
“Modern girl” = wears jeans, talks back, probably ruined by Western culture.
Why reform it?
Because patriarchy looks better in a saree.
Family: India's Original Surveillance System
Every decision is made by a committee of uncles, aunties, and neighbors.
“Log kya kahenge” is a valid legal argument.
Mental health? Just pray more and stop watching dark web content.
Why update it?
Because silence is love and guilt is parenting.
The Economy: A Pyramid Scheme With Bonus GDP Celebrations
The rich get richer. The poor get a WhatsApp forward about becoming rich.
Startups bloom, but only if your pitch deck has the right surname.
Inflation? Just stop eating onions, ya.
Why fix it?
Because inequality builds character (and luxury apartments).
Religion & Spirituality: The Original Subscription Service
Question a ritual? You must be an atheist… or worse, a rationalist.
God is everywhere, but especially in places that charge 500 rupees for VIP darshan.
Don’t believe in miracles? Your loss, bro. This saint made gold out of thin air (also has a YouTube channel).
Why modernize it?
Because blind faith has better network coverage than logic.
Politics: Musical Chairs, But the Chairs Never Leave
New faces, same surnames.
Manifestos are like wedding vows—no one expects them to be honored.
Corruption? That’s not crime, that’s culture.
Why clean it up?
Because chaos is unity in diversity.
Media: Loud. Proud. Sponsored.
Breaking News: Puppy falls in well.
Important debates about who wore what in Parliament.
Truth? Sorry, that’s behind a paywall (and a court case).
Why reform it?
Because who needs journalism when you have panel fights?
Legal System: Where Justice Takes a Gap Year (Every Year)
File a case today, get justice by your retirement party.
Don’t know the law? Doesn’t matter. No one else does either.
“Adjust, bro” is a recognized legal defense.
Why simplify it?
Because confusion is a sacred right.
Final Word:
"Change is overrated. Sit back, sip your chai, and enjoy the drama. We’re not a society, we’re a daily soap.”
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society’s a slow leak in a bald tire
they said
"play by the rules"
but the rules were written
by men with gold teeth
and daughters named after goddesses
they never prayed to.
they said
"work hard"
but their hands were
as soft as the lies
they told on news channels
sponsored by soap.
they said
"marry the right one"
but meant the one with
matching last name,
bank balance,
and horoscope blessed by
a sweaty priest
with a smartphone.
they said
"education is the key"
but forgot to mention
the lock changes
every ten years
and the key costs a kidney
on the black market
called coaching class.
they said
"be spiritual"
but they sold god
in limited-time offers
with bonus prasadam
and a QR code
to donate your sins away.
they said
"trust the system"
but the system
was a rusted vending machine
that spat out
bribes, queues,
and missing files
with the grace of a hungover clerk.
they said
"freedom"
but meant
“don’t rock the damn boat.”
sit down,
shut up,
and drown quietly
with your dreams
neatly folded
in plastic covers
like your mother’s sofa cushions.
they said a lot of things.
and we listened.
because screaming into a wall
is cheaper
than therapy.
and funnier too.
pass the cheap whiskey.
the revolution's delayed.
again.