Children Do, What You Do (Not, What You Teach)
- Madhukar Dama
- 20 hours ago
- 5 min read
Children are highly observant and learn most of their behaviors through modeling, meaning they watch their parents and imitate them. This happens in various aspects of life, including communication, emotional regulation, social interactions, habits, and even subconscious behaviors.
1. Communication & Language
Mimicking Speech Patterns – Children adopt parents' tone, vocabulary, and slang. If a parent frequently uses a phrase like “Oh my God,” the child starts using it too.
Copying Accents & Pronunciation – Children in bilingual households often mimic the parent's way of speaking, including accents and dialects.
Repeating Negative Language – If parents curse or use disrespectful words, children repeat them unknowingly.
Adopting Storytelling Style – Children narrate experiences similarly to how their parents do.
Mirroring Voice Volume – If parents speak loudly in conversations, children tend to do the same, often shouting instead of talking calmly.
Imitating Parents’ Lies – If a parent tells a white lie, like "Tell them I'm not home," children learn dishonesty as an acceptable behavior.
2. Emotional Reactions & Coping Mechanisms
Mimicking Anger Reactions – If parents scream or throw things in frustration, children learn to do the same when upset.
Copying Stress Responses – If a parent panics or gets anxious under pressure, the child develops similar anxiety responses.
Learning How to Apologize – If parents never say “I’m sorry,” children also struggle to admit mistakes.
Displaying Affection Similarly – If parents openly hug, kiss, and say “I love you,” children grow up expressing affection comfortably.
Mirroring Avoidance or Confrontation – If parents avoid conflict instead of discussing issues, children tend to do the same in relationships.
Picking Up Nervous Habits – If a parent bites their nails, taps their foot, or paces when nervous, children mimic these behaviors.
3. Social Interactions & Behavior in Public
Copying Manners & Etiquette – If parents say “please” and “thank you” regularly, children do the same.
Learning How to Treat Others – If parents are rude to waiters or disrespect others, children adopt a similar attitude.
Mimicking Gender Roles – If a father always makes decisions and the mother follows, children assume such roles are standard.
Mirroring Acts of Kindness – If parents help neighbors or donate, children mimic this generosity.
Picking Up Biases & Prejudices – If parents make racist or sexist remarks, children develop similar biases.
Learning to Interrupt or Listen – If parents frequently interrupt others, children do the same; if parents actively listen, children learn patience.
4. Daily Habits & Routines
Imitating Eating Habits – If parents eat junk food or skip meals, children develop unhealthy eating habits.
Copying Sleeping Patterns – If parents stay up late watching TV, children struggle with early bedtime.
Mimicking Work Ethic – If parents procrastinate or complain about work, children develop similar attitudes toward studies or chores.
Following Household Cleanliness Practices – If parents clean up after themselves, children learn tidiness; if parents are messy, children mimic the habit.
Developing Shopping & Spending Habits – If parents impulse-buy or complain about money, children develop similar spending behaviors.
Learning How to Treat Pets – If parents show kindness to animals, children learn compassion; if parents neglect or mistreat pets, children see it as normal.
5. Technology & Media Consumption
Copying Screen Time Habits – If parents are glued to phones, children do the same.
Mimicking TV Preferences – Children often adopt their parents’ favorite shows, movies, and even news channels.
Learning Distracted Behavior – If parents use their phones during conversations, children also ignore people in favor of screens.
Developing Social Media Attitudes – If parents overshare personal life online, children grow up thinking it’s normal to post everything.
6. Parenting & Discipline Methods
Mirroring Discipline Styles – If parents hit children as punishment, children learn that physical aggression is acceptable in conflicts.
Repeating Phrases Used in Discipline – If parents frequently say “Because I said so,” children use similar phrases in future interactions.
Copying Encouragement & Criticism Habits – If parents praise efforts rather than just results, children develop resilience; if parents only criticize, children become self-critical.
Adopting Strictness or Leniency – If parents enforce strict curfews, children may follow the same pattern when they become parents.
7. Body Language & Gestures
Imitating Walking Style – Children often mimic the way their parents walk, whether confident, slouched, or hurried.
Copying Hand Gestures – If parents use expressive hand movements, children do the same while speaking.
Mirroring Facial Expressions – If parents raise eyebrows when surprised or bite lips when nervous, children pick up these habits.
Adopting Posture – If parents slouch or cross arms often, children tend to mirror these habits unconsciously.
8. Handling Relationships & Marriage
Learning How to Resolve Fights – If parents communicate calmly, children learn healthy conflict resolution; if parents yell or give the silent treatment, children mimic those patterns.
Copying Relationship Expectations – If children see parents being affectionate and respectful, they expect the same in their relationships.
Mimicking Expressions of Love – If parents give gifts or cook as a way of expressing love, children often adopt similar behaviors.
Repeating Patterns of Trust or Jealousy – If parents display extreme jealousy or possessiveness, children develop similar tendencies in relationships.
9. Learning Fear or Confidence
Adopting Fear of Failure – If parents constantly worry about failure, children develop performance anxiety.
Mimicking Fear of Certain Objects – If parents are scared of insects, darkness, or heights, children develop similar fears.
Copying Confidence Levels – If parents encourage risk-taking and learning from mistakes, children grow up with a growth mindset.
Mirroring Risk-Averse or Reckless Behavior – If parents are overly cautious or take excessive risks, children learn similar attitudes.
10. Learning Attitudes Toward Life & Society
Copying Attitude Toward Authority – If parents respect or challenge authority, children learn to do the same.
Adopting a Sense of Gratitude or Entitlement – If parents express gratitude often, children learn appreciation; if parents act entitled, children follow suit.
Mimicking Political & Religious Views – Children often adopt their parents’ beliefs about politics and religion without question.
Copying a Negative or Positive Outlook – If parents frequently complain, children develop a pessimistic outlook; if parents focus on solutions, children learn resilience.
Final Thoughts
Children are mirrors of their parents, absorbing behaviors, attitudes, and habits—both good and bad. If parents want their children to develop positive traits, they must model those behaviors first. Instead of just telling children what to do, parents must demonstrate kindness, patience, honesty, discipline, and respect in daily life.
As the saying goes:"Children may not always listen to what you say, but they will always watch what you do."