from our upcoming book Our Secret Book of Benefits
Just like many people, I was also mistaken that our classmates, colleagues, neighbors etc are my friends. But I found over many years that none of them are really my friends (none at all).
Friendship is a very responsible and genuine relationship that enriches our life in many ways. But it’s a must that the friendship should be genuine. There is no room for any dishonesty or selfishness in friendship.
All of my so called friends were made and maintained for selfish goals. I still don’t have a single genuine relationship, except in bits and pieces.
It is not a friendship if the so called friend has following expectations from you (or vice-versa):
Expecting them to always be available: Friends have their own lives, responsibilities, and need time for themselves. Constantly demanding their attention is unfair and can strain the friendship.
Expecting them to always agree with you: Healthy friendships allow for diverse opinions and healthy debates. Demanding constant agreement stifles growth and can lead to resentment.
Expecting them to bail you out of trouble: While friends should support each other, expecting them to consistently clean up your messes is unfair and can damage the relationship.
Expecting them to keep secrets they're uncomfortable with: True friendship is built on trust, but forcing friends to keep secrets that could harm them or others is unethical.
Expecting them to provide emotional support without reciprocation: Friendships are a two-way street. Expecting constant emotional support without offering the same in return creates an imbalance.
Expecting them to prioritize your needs over their own: While it's important to consider each other's feelings, it's unethical to consistently put your needs above theirs.
Expecting them to change for you: Trying to change a friend to fit your ideal image is disrespectful and can damage the relationship.
Expecting them to meet unrealistic expectations: Setting unrealistic expectations for your friends, such as always being perfect or never making mistakes is unfair and can lead to disappointment and resentment.
Here are some key characteristics of a genuine friendship:
Mutual Respect:
Valuing each other's opinions and boundaries.
Treating each other with kindness and consideration.
Avoiding judgment and criticism.
Trust and Honesty:
Being able to confide in each other without fear of betrayal.
Being honest and upfront, even when it's difficult.
Keeping promises and commitments.
Open and Honest Communication:
Sharing thoughts and feelings openly and honestly.
Actively listening to each other.
Resolving conflicts constructively.
Support and Encouragement:
Being there for each other during both good times and bad.
Offering support and encouragement in pursuing goals.
Celebrating each other's successes.
Shared Interests and Values:
Enjoying spending time together and engaging in shared activities.
Sharing common values and beliefs.
Having a strong emotional connection.
Individuality and Growth:
Supporting each other's personal growth and independence.
Encouraging each other to pursue their own interests and passions.
Respecting each other's individuality.
Forgiveness and Understanding:
Acknowledging and forgiving mistakes.
Understanding that everyone makes mistakes.
Moving forward from disagreements and conflicts.
Remember, healthy friendships are a two-way street. It's important to nurture these relationships by showing consistent effort, kindness, and respect.
Healthy friendships offer a wealth of benefits for your overall well-being:
Improved Mental Health:
Reduced stress and anxiety: Sharing your worries and concerns with friends can provide a sense of relief and help you cope with stress more effectively.
Boosted mood: Spending time with friends, laughing, and enjoying their company can significantly improve your mood and overall happiness.
Increased self-esteem: The support and encouragement of friends can boost your self-confidence and help you feel good about yourself.
Reduced loneliness and isolation: Strong friendships combat feelings of loneliness and isolation, making you feel connected and valued.
Enhanced Physical Health:
Stronger immune system: Studies have shown that having strong social connections can boost your immune system.
Improved cardiovascular health: Spending time with friends can help lower blood pressure and reduce the risk of heart disease.
Better sleep: Social interaction can improve sleep quality and help you feel more rested.
Personal Growth and Development:
New perspectives: Friends can offer different perspectives on life, helping you to grow and learn.
Motivation and encouragement: Friends can motivate you to achieve your goals and encourage you to step outside your comfort zone.
Improved communication skills: Healthy friendships provide opportunities to practice and improve your communication and social skills.
A Sense of Belonging:
Stronger social support network: Friends provide a strong social support network that can be relied upon during challenging times.
A sense of community: Friendships help you feel connected to something larger than yourself and provide a sense of belonging.
In essence, healthy friendships are essential for our overall well-being. They enrich our lives, provide support, and contribute to our happiness and fulfillment.
Friendship can only enrich. Can never deprive.
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