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CHAPTER 14. BENEFITS OF QUITTING TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

Writer's picture: Madhukar DamaMadhukar Dama

from our upcoming book Our Secret Book of Benefits

Healthy relationships don't happen - they are built with love.
Healthy relationships don't happen - they are built with love.

Everyone is born and raised into relationships that one has no way to choose. Unfortunately, many a times we end-up inheriting or acquiring toxic relationships. I discovered that toxic relationships have tremendous negative effect on my mental & physical well-being. Infact, toxic relationships were underlying causes of my addictions to alcohol, smoking & watching porn.

I studied for 2 years about nature of relationships. I found that I must keep healthy relationships at all cost and get away from toxic relationships at all cost. Thats why I did from 2018. I zeroed or minimized time & energy in toxic relationships. My mental health and addictions automatically improved. Now, I feel much better in solitude than in the company of a toxic relationship. I now put energy in building only healthy relationships. Solitude is much better than being in a toxic relationship. Even one healthy relationship is more than enough to enjoy the beauty of human relationships.

Health of the relationship is equally dependent on both the partners involved. It doesn't matter whether the relationship is between child & mother, employee & employer, husband & wife, father & daughter, so called friends, teacher & student. Only thing that matters is whether it’s healthy. A healthy relationship is the only meaningful relationship. A toxic relationship will eventually convert both parties into a toxic personality. This is how the toxic relationships are generational.  

A healthy relationship is built on a foundation of respect, trust, and open communication. Here are some key characteristics:

  • Respect:

    • Valuing each other's opinions, feelings, and boundaries.

    • Treating each other with kindness and consideration.

    • Avoiding disrespectful language or behavior.

  • Trust:

    • Being reliable and honest with each other.

    • Feeling safe and secure in the relationship.

    • Believing in each other's intentions.

  • Communication:

    • Openly and honestly sharing thoughts and feelings.

    • Actively listening to each other.

    • Resolving conflicts constructively.

  • Honesty:

    • Being truthful and transparent with each other.

    • Avoiding deception or manipulation.

  • Equality:

    • Sharing responsibilities and decision-making.

    • Respecting each other's individuality and independence.

  • Support:

    • Encouraging each other's growth and personal goals.

    • Offering emotional and practical support during challenging times.

  • Intimacy:

    • Having a deep and meaningful connection.

    • Sharing physical and emotional closeness.

  • Fun and Enjoyment:

    • Spending quality time together and enjoying each other's company.

    • Finding ways to have fun and create shared experiences.

  • Individuality:

    • Maintaining a sense of self and pursuing personal interests.

    • Supporting each other's individual growth and development.

It's important to remember that healthy relationships take effort and work from both partners.

If you're in a relationship that doesn't exhibit these characteristics, it may be a dysfunctional or toxic relationship. It will benefit to discuss and improve it.

Toxic relationships are characterized by harmful patterns of behavior that can negatively impact your emotional and mental well-being. Here are some key characteristics:

  • Lack of Respect: This includes disregarding your boundaries, opinions, and feelings. It can manifest as belittling comments, insults, or constant criticism.

  • Control and Manipulation: One partner may try to control the other's behavior, decisions, or who they spend time with. This can involve manipulation tactics like gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or isolating you from friends and family.

  • Constant Criticism: While constructive criticism can be helpful, constant criticism undermines your self-esteem and can create a negative and toxic environment.

  • Isolation: A toxic partner may try to isolate you from your support system, making you more dependent on them and less likely to seek help.

  • Unresolved Conflict: Healthy communication involves resolving conflicts constructively. In toxic relationships, arguments may escalate, be ignored, or lead to emotional shutdowns.

  • Emotional or Physical Abuse: This can include verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, physical violence, or threats.

It's important to remember that these are just some of the characteristics of toxic relationships. If you are in a relationship that exhibits any of these signs, it's crucial to prioritize your well-being and seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist.


Every meeting with a toxic relative ends with a conflict.
Every meeting with a toxic relative ends with a conflict.

 Quitting a toxic relationship is incredibly empowering and beneficial for your well-being. Here are some of the advantages:

  • Improved Mental Health:

    • Reduced stress and anxiety: Toxic relationships often create a constant state of stress and anxiety. Leaving allows you to escape this negativity and experience a sense of relief.

    • Increased self-esteem: Toxic relationships can erode your self-worth. By leaving, you're prioritizing your value and recognizing you deserve better.

    • Improved mood: Freed from the negativity and manipulation, you'll likely experience a significant improvement in your overall mood and outlook on life.

  • Reconnecting with Yourself:

    • Rediscovering your identity: Toxic relationships can cause you to lose sight of who you are. Leaving allows you to rediscover your passions, interests, and values.

    • Rebuilding your confidence: You'll gain confidence in your ability to make decisions and stand up for yourself.

    • Prioritizing self-care: You'll have the freedom to focus on your own needs and prioritize self-care activities.

  • Building Healthy Relationships:

    • Learning healthy communication: By observing the unhealthy patterns in the toxic relationship, you'll learn to recognize and avoid them in future relationships.

    • Attracting healthier partners: You'll be more likely to attract partners who value and respect you.

    • Developing stronger friendships: You'll have more time and energy to nurture your friendships and build a strong support system.

  • Overall Well-being:

    • Increased happiness and fulfillment: Leaving a toxic relationship can lead to a significant increase in your overall happiness and life satisfaction.

    • Improved physical health: Stress from a toxic relationship can negatively impact your physical health. Leaving can lead to improvements in sleep, appetite, and overall physical well-being.

    • A brighter future: By leaving, you're opening the door to a brighter future filled with positive relationships and personal growth.


Remember, leaving a toxic relationship is a courageous act of self-love. It may be challenging, but the benefits to your mental, emotional, and physical well-being are immeasurable.

 

Self-Care is not a crime.


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