You Don't Have Any Desire
- Madhukar Dama
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
A Philosophical Autopsy of Human Desire
INTRODUCTION:
We spend our lives chasing what we think we want — jobs, respect, love, fame, children’s success, good bodies, good marriages, peaceful deaths. But at the core of this pursuit lies a disturbing question:
Who wanted this first? Was it me?
Or did they want me to want it?
"They" — a faceless accumulation of parents, society, religion, governments, corporations, lovers, enemies, teachers, influencers — all shaping the “I” before it could speak for itself. The "want" was planted long before we knew what it meant to desire.
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CHAPTER 1: THE MYTH OF ORIGINAL WANT
No baby is born wanting to top an exam, become CEO, or get married by 30.
No child desires to be desirable.
Desire, initially, is raw — for touch, food, warmth.
Soon, desire is hijacked.
It is weaponized through stories, punishments, praises, and rewards.
You want marks because you were told they mean success.
You want a slim body because they told you that’s beautiful.
You want respect because they showed you how humiliation feels.
You were never asked:
“What does your soul ache for?”
You were told what to ache for.
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CHAPTER 2: THEY WANTED YOU TO WANT EVERYTHING
Everything.
From what you wear to whom you love.
From how you sit to when you cry.
Even the rebellion was pre-approved.
Your spiritual longing is marketed.
Your rebellion is monetized.
Your dreams are franchised.
They don’t care what you want.
They only care that your want leads back into their loops — economy, tradition, power.
A good citizen is one whose wants match what the system sells.
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CHAPTER 3: WANTING FROM FAMILY — THE MOST BRUTAL CONDITIONING
You think you want your children to be happy.
No — you want them to be happy in ways that validate your life choices.
You want your child’s success to redeem your sacrifices.
You want them to live the version of freedom that you never had the courage to claim.
You want your spouse to love you in ways that fill the voids you haven’t dared to explore.
You want your parents to finally admit they were wrong, or praise you like gods.
But even this “want for emotional closure” is a role-fed craving, manufactured by TV dramas and mythic family ideals.
Even your want for peace is a social product.
Who told you peace looks like a house in the hills with yoga mats and soft music?
You saw it in ads.
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CHAPTER 4: THE SELF-WANT TRAP
The cruelest deception is the want that appears to come from within.
“I want to be better.”
“I want to heal.”
“I want to grow.”
But what if this “self-growth” is still someone else's idea of improvement?
You want discipline because you were shamed for laziness.
You want enlightenment because you were told ignorance is suffering.
You want clarity because you can’t bear the chaos they trained you to fear.
What if the only true want is the want to stop wanting?
Even that may be a trick.
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CHAPTER 5: FREEDOM IS NOT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT
Freedom is seeing that the want was never yours.
That desire was designed.
Freedom is the brutal mourning of all the years wasted chasing someone else's dreams wearing your face.
Real freedom is not replacing old wants with “better” ones.
It is becoming empty enough to see through every want.
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CONCLUSION:
You never wanted what you wanted.
It was wanted into you.
By those who were also programmed.
The chain goes back generations.
There is only one cure:
Stop.
Breathe.
Ask nothing.
Want nothing.
And watch who panics first.
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A DIALOGUE
“Who Wanted This?” — A Dialogue at the Hermit’s Hut
Characters
Karan: A high-earning man with anxiety
Meera: A perfectionist mother
Tara: A teen who doesn’t know what she wants to do in life
Madhukar: The Hermit who never finished school, walks barefoot, and asks dangerous questions
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Tara: I don’t know what I want anymore.
Madhukar: That’s a good start.
Meera: But she must want something! Every child must have ambition!
Madhukar: Why? So she fits your wallpaper of success?
Karan: We all want to live better.
Madhukar: Who told you what ‘better’ looks like?
Karan: I chose this life.
Madhukar: Did you choose it, or was it sold to you with EMI schemes and Instagram ads?
Meera: But I want my son to be happy.
Madhukar: In a way that comforts your guilt, or in a way that scares you?
Tara: What’s wrong with wanting a career?
Madhukar: Nothing. But if your career wants you more than you want it, run.
Karan: Then what do we do?
Madhukar: Stop chasing. Start unlearning.
Sleep under stars. Watch your body’s wants when no one’s watching.
You’ll see most of them disappear.
Meera: Then what remains?
Madhukar: Hunger. Sleep. Warmth. Silence.
Anything else is someone else’s script.
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THEY WANT ME TO WANT
they dressed me in a want before I could walk
tied a blue balloon of dreams to my crib
“be someone,” they said,
but they meant be what we couldn’t.
the whole world is a damned carnival
selling mirrors labeled “desire”
and I
—I bought a few.
I wanted to be a genius
because my father wasn’t.
I wanted love
because my mother didn’t have it.
I wanted peace
like a dog wants a leash that’s silk.
I slept with women who looked like billboards
ate food that smelled like TV jingles
worked jobs that killed me one dollar at a time
smiled like a murderer at family functions.
I thought I was choosing.
I was the chosen fool.
the only real choice I ever made
was when I stopped
sat down with a cheap drink
and said:
fuck this.
I don’t want their wants.
I want to rot in silence.
with no dream, no legacy, no damn blueprint.
just a body
and a sky
and the sound of nobody calling my name.
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