THE LIE OF "RARELY HAPPENS": HOW PEOPLE DENY THEIR SYMPTOMS UNTIL THEY BECOME DISEASES
- Madhukar Dama
- 5 days ago
- 8 min read
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INTRODUCTION: THE MOST COMMON LIE PEOPLE TELL THEMSELVES
“I rarely get headaches.” “It’s just occasional acidity.” “My child coughs once in a while.” “My back hurts sometimes, but it’s nothing.”
These sentences are spoken every day in homes, workplaces, and clinics—and they are almost always inaccurate. Not because people are liars, but because they’ve been trained to ignore, downplay, or normalize their body’s distress signals. This essay explores the dangerous cultural habit of labeling chronic or repeated symptoms as ‘rare’, and how this denial creates long-term health breakdowns.
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PART 1: THE PATTERN OF SELF-MINIMIZATION
People downplay their symptoms in very specific ways:
Calling weekly headaches “rare”
Treating monthly bloating or gas as “normal”
Ignoring recurring skin rashes as “nothing serious”
Labelling PMS, fatigue, or sleep issues as “just stress”
Believing a child’s chronic constipation or runny nose is “usual for kids”
The body is speaking—repeatedly—but the mind reclassifies the language into something ignorable. This is not intelligence. This is survival-mode denial.
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PART 2: WHY PEOPLE SAY “RARELY” WHEN IT’S NOT RARE
1. To Avoid Change
Accepting a symptom as real means one must act: change diet, sleep, behavior, schedule. That’s uncomfortable. So it’s easier to pretend it doesn’t happen often.
2. Fear of Diagnosis
Many people fear that if they admit to a symptom, it might lead to tests, prescriptions, or even surgery. So they keep quiet until the symptom becomes unbearable.
3. Cultural Normalization
In many families, everyone has acidity, headaches, snoring, or period pain. So people grow up thinking it’s normal, not worth mentioning.
4. Medical Dismissal
Doctors often dismiss early symptoms as insignificant. This teaches people to downplay or stop mentioning them altogether.
5. Pride and Image
People don’t want to seem weak, needy, or like “complainers.” So they tell themselves and others that it’s not a big deal.
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PART 3: THE REALITY BENEATH "RARE"
What is called “rare” is often weekly, monthly, or tied to lifestyle patterns:
“Rare acidity” = spicy/oily meal + poor sleep = regular digestive stress
“Occasional migraine” = hormonal imbalance + dehydration + stress = chronic issue
“Sometimes fatigue” = nutrient deficiency, adrenal exhaustion = progressive collapse
“Back pain now and then” = poor posture + sedentary lifestyle = spinal degeneration
When these signs are ignored, they become: – IBS – PCOD – Type 2 diabetes – Autoimmune disorders – Herniated disc – Hormonal collapse
Symptoms don’t just “go away.” They wait quietly for permission to evolve into disease.
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PART 4: COMMON EVERYDAY DENIALS — A HUGE EXHAUSTIVE LIST
“I get constipated once in a while.” → Happens weekly, gut damage advancing
“I only feel bloated occasionally.” → Happens after every meal, signals intolerance
“I rarely have neck stiffness.” → Linked to daily posture and phone use
“I get mild headaches before my period.” → Happens every month, it's chronic
“My child has some dry skin in winter.” → Persistent eczema, not just dry skin
“Sometimes I feel too tired to talk.” → Emotional burnout in progress
“Occasionally I wake up tired.” → Poor sleep quality and adrenal stress
“My leg cramps sometimes at night.” → Mineral imbalance, dehydration, circulation issue
“I get acid reflux if I eat too late.” → Happens 3–4 times a week, damaging the esophagus
“I snore but only when I’m tired.” → Sleep apnea symptoms being normalized
“My nose bleeds in summer but not often.” → Chronic inflammation or dryness
“I feel foggy only on some days.” → Cognitive decline is not seasonal
“My back aches when I travel.” → Core weakness or disc strain already present
“I feel irritable before periods.” → Hormonal dysregulation masked as personality
“My kid’s cough comes and goes.” → Often tied to gut issues, food sensitivities
“My skin breaks out now and then.” → Signals gut, liver or hormonal issues
“My eyes twitch sometimes.” → Magnesium deficiency, fatigue
“I have gas only when I eat out.” → Compromised digestion in denial
“I sleep late but I manage.” → Chronic sleep deprivation accepted as normal
“My knees ache after long walks.” → Early joint degeneration
These aren’t random. These are patterned signals. Repetition is not harmless. Repetition is chronicity in disguise.
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PART 5: CHILDREN AND THE INHERITED LANGUAGE OF DENIAL
Adults don’t just minimize their own pain—they teach their children to do the same.
“He always had a weak stomach.”
“She’s just a bit fussy, that’s all.”
“It’s just how our family is.”
Children are trained to ignore their own warning signs. They grow up unable to read their own bodies, mistrusting discomfort, and repeating the same cycles of neglect.
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PART 6: THE COST OF DENIAL
What begins as minor becomes major. What was preventable becomes irreversible. What needed food, sleep, or awareness now needs pills, procedures, or long recovery.
The cost is not just health. It’s: – Delayed healing – Lost years of vitality – Deep regret – Chronic guilt passed between generations
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PART 7: WHAT TO DO INSTEAD
1. Track Symptoms Honestly
Write down every discomfort—no matter how small. Patterns will emerge.
2. Replace “rarely” with actual frequency
If something happens more than once a month, it’s not rare. It’s a signal.
3. Don’t wait for it to become urgent
Respond early. A symptom is a whisper. A disease is a scream.
4. Re-learn the body’s language
Burping, bloating, craving, irritability, sleep disturbance, skin flares—they all have meaning.
5. Teach your children the truth
Let them express their symptoms without being dismissed or mocked.
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CONCLUSION: START BELIEVING YOUR BODY
The body doesn’t lie. It repeats itself until you listen. Calling it “rare” doesn’t make it go away—it makes you unprepared for its consequences.
If we want to live well, we must stop saying “rarely” and start asking “why.” Because by the time it becomes serious, it was already speaking for years.
And we were too busy calling it “nothing.”
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Here is a healing dialogue between an Indian family and Madhukar, the off-grid healer, focused on the theme of symptom denial under the label “rarely happens.” It is grounded, emotional, and designed to dismantle this deeply ingrained habit.
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SETTING
The family has traveled from Bengaluru to Madhukar’s mud house in the Western Ghats. It’s quiet. No electricity. Just trees, wind, birds, and truth.
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CHARACTERS
Raghav (45) – Father, IT employee. Has acidity “only after spicy food,” neck pain “just sometimes,” and is always tired.
Kavita (42) – Mother, homemaker. Suffers from “occasional migraines,” period pain, and knee stiffness.
Ananya (17) – Daughter, student. Skin acne, bloating, and irregular cycles—“nothing serious.”
Aditya (13) – Son. Has “seasonal cough” and always needs a tissue. Fussy eater.
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THE DIALOGUE
Madhukar (gently):
Tell me why you’ve come.
Raghav (smiling awkwardly):
Oh, nothing urgent. Just thought we could learn about healthy living.
We’re mostly okay. Small things here and there—normal, no?
Madhukar:
What are these small things?
Kavita:
You know… I get migraines before my periods.
Raghav gets acidity after certain meals.
Ananya has some acne and bloating.
Aditya coughs a bit—but only during weather change.
Madhukar (quiet):
So you’ve come here with no problem.
And that’s the problem.
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Ananya:
My skin flares only before exams. It’s not serious.
My friends also have it. It’s normal.
Madhukar:
Pain shared by many is not “normal.”
It’s just common.
If all your classmates were limping, would you call limping healthy?
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Raghav:
My acidity is rare. Only when I eat outside food.
Madhukar:
How often do you eat outside?
Raghav (after a pause):
Four or five times a week…
Madhukar:
Then your symptom is not rare.
It’s habitual.
You’ve just wrapped it in language to escape responsibility.
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Kavita:
My knees hurt only when I sit too long.
Madhukar:
And how many hours a day do you sit?
Kavita (hesitating):
Four? Maybe five?
Madhukar:
If something hurts daily, it is not occasional.
It is ignored.
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Aditya:
My cough comes only in winter. Every year.
Madhukar:
That’s not seasonal.
That’s programmed breakdown.
Your body doesn’t obey calendars.
It obeys food, sleep, and stress.
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Madhukar (looking at them softly):
When you call pain “rare,”
you allow it to stay.
You postpone listening
until the whisper becomes a scream.
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Raghav:
But what should we do?
How do we know what’s real?
Madhukar:
Start tracking.
– Write when the pain shows up.
– Write what triggered it.
– Write how often it repeats.
And then—believe what your body says, not what your mouth wants to claim.
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Kavita (tears in her eyes):
I think I’ve been living with migraines for ten years.
Calling it ‘hormonal.’
As if that means I deserve it.
Madhukar:
Your suffering does not need a label.
It needs a listener.
Even if that listener is only you.
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Ananya (whispering):
If I say I’m tired, they say it’s because I don’t exercise.
But I’m tired all the time.
Madhukar:
Then stop saying “sometimes.”
Start saying “I need help.”
There is no reward in endurance.
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Aditya:
So… when does a symptom become a problem?
Madhukar (smiling):
The first time.
Not the fiftieth.
Every repetition is your body saying,
“You heard me last time.
Why didn’t you act?”
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CLOSING
Raghav:
We came with nothing serious.
But I think we brought a lot of truth
we’ve been hiding under fake words.
Madhukar:
You came with the most serious disease of all:
denial.
And that,
if untreated,
becomes tradition.
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IT'S NOTHING. JUST HAPPENS SOMETIMES.
the national anthem of denial, sung in every home with aching knees and full medicine drawers
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it’s just acidity.
just after lunch.
just when i’m angry.
just when i skip breakfast.
just when i eat out.
which is
only
four times a week.
so, you know,
rare.
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it’s just a headache.
just before my periods.
just when the light is too bright.
just when the room is too loud.
just when my mother calls.
just when life asks anything of me.
but otherwise,
i’m fine.
just fine.
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my daughter throws up meals.
but only when she eats rice.
or bread.
or fried things.
or sweets.
which is basically
everything.
but don’t worry,
she’s healthy.
she just has “a sensitive stomach.”
it runs in the family.
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my son coughs.
only in winter.
and monsoon.
and when he drinks cold water.
and when he doesn’t sleep enough.
and after milk.
and sometimes with bananas.
but only then.
so it's nothing.
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i sleep badly.
just sometimes.
only on days when i’m stressed.
which is,
you know,
most days.
but i manage.
i’m used to it.
it’s just how life is.
this is normal. right?
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my knees ache.
but only when i squat.
and climb stairs.
and get up after sitting.
and in the morning.
and in the evening.
but apart from that
they’re perfectly fine.
really.
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we call it rare
because if we called it real,
we’d have to do something about it.
and doing something means change.
and change means
facing all the things we’ve buried
under “maybe next week.”
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we don’t ignore pain.
we rebrand it.
we decorate it with words like:\n– sometimes
– minor
– common
– stress
– seasonal
– age-related
– genetic
– nothing
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it’s not ignorance.
it’s deliberate,
cultural
denial.
passed from mothers to daughters,
from fathers to sons,
from doctors to patients.
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we train children to say,
“i’m fine.”
even when their bowels don’t move.
even when their ears itch daily.
even when their legs ache at night.
we say:
“you’re fine.
stop being fussy.”
then we turn around
and pop a pill
for our own “light acidity.”
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we say “rare”
like it’s a shield.
but it’s a rope.
it ties you to a future
of broken parts
and regret
and operations
and silence that screams
at 3 a.m.
in the hospital corridor
when the doctor says,
“how long has this been going on?”
and you say:
“just recently…”
but your body knows
it’s been years.
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this is how people die
without ever being believed—
by others,
or by themselves.
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your body whispered.
you said: “later.”
your body knocked.
you said: “i’m busy.”
your body cried.
you called it a mood.
then your body screamed.
and you called the ambulance.
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but by then,
it wasn’t rare.
it was
irreversible.
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