SILENT TREATMENT - IS A FORM OF ABUSE & CONTROL
- Madhukar Dama
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
DEFINITION OF SILENT TREATMENT
The silent treatment is a behavioral tactic where an individual deliberately ignores, avoids, or refuses to communicate with another person as a means of exerting control, expressing displeasure, or punishing them. It involves withholding verbal or emotional interaction—such as not speaking, avoiding eye contact, or acting as if the other person doesn’t exist—often to manipulate their emotions or behavior. While it can be a passive response to conflict, when used intentionally and persistently, it becomes a form of emotional abuse, creating feelings of rejection, guilt, or helplessness in the recipient.
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EXAMPLES IN THE INDIAN CONTEXT PROVING SILENT TREATMENT AS A POWERFUL CONTROLLING & ABUSIVE TOOL
Below are numerous examples rooted in Indian cultural, familial, and social dynamics that illustrate how the silent treatment serves as a controlling and abusive tool. These reflect common scenarios across households, relationships, and communities, drawing from societal norms and interpersonal power structures.
FAMILY DYNAMICS
1. Mother-in-Law vs. Daughter-in-Law: A mother-in-law stops speaking to her daughter-in-law for days after a disagreement over cooking, signaling disapproval and forcing the younger woman to apologize or conform to regain peace.
- Power: Controls household hierarchy and enforces traditional roles.
2. Husband Punishing Wife: A husband refuses to respond to his wife’s questions after she spends money without his permission, leaving her anxious and submissive.
- Power: Reinforces financial dominance and gender norms.
3. Parent-Child Discipline: A father ignores his teenage son for a week after he fails an exam, making the child feel worthless until he overworks to regain approval.
- Power: Manipulates effort and obedience through emotional withdrawal.
4. Sibling Rivalry: An elder sister stops talking to her younger brother after he borrows her scooter without asking, guilting him into doing her chores to mend the rift.
- Power: Establishes authority and extracts favors.
5. Joint Family Tensions: An aunt ignores her niece for not supporting her in a family dispute, isolating her in a crowded home until she takes sides.
- Power: Coerces loyalty in group dynamics.
MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS
6. Wife’s Retaliation: A wife gives her husband the silent treatment after he misses a family function, making him beg for forgiveness to restore normalcy.
- Power: Punishes and reasserts emotional control.
7. Dowry Disputes: A husband stops speaking to his wife when her parents delay dowry payments, pressuring her to extract more from her family.
- Power: Uses silence as leverage in transactional marriage norms.
8. Post-Argument Standoff: After a fight over in-laws’ visits, a spouse ignores the other for days, creating a tense home until the other caves in.
- Power: Forces resolution on the abuser’s terms.
9. Infidelity Accusations: A husband accused of flirting goes silent, refusing to explain, leaving his wife doubting herself and apologizing instead.
- Power: Shifts blame and avoids accountability.
10. Financial Dependence: A husband ignores his homemaker wife’s requests for household funds, compelling her to plead and reinforce his control.
- Power: Exploits economic vulnerability.
SOCIAL & COMMUNITY SETTINGS
11. Neighborhood Gossip: A woman stops greeting her neighbor after hearing rumors, isolating her socially until she clarifies or conforms.
- Power: Enforces social compliance through exclusion.
12. Caste-Based Silence: An upper-caste family silently boycotts a lower-caste neighbor after a minor dispute, signaling superiority and ostracism.
- Power: Reinforces caste hierarchy.
13. Religious Disapproval: A family member stops talking to another for not fasting during Ramadan or Navratri, guilting them into religious conformity.
- Power: Controls behavior via moral authority.
14. Friendship Fallout: A friend ignores another for not lending money, pressuring them to give in to maintain the bond.
- Power: Manipulates generosity through withdrawal.
15. Workplace Dynamics: A colleague stops acknowledging a peer after they take credit for a project, forcing an apology or exclusion from team rapport.
- Power: Assertವ
16. Extended Family Feud: A cousin stops responding to calls after a disagreement over wedding contributions, leaving the other distressed and compliant.
- Power: Punishes and extracts concessions silently.
17. Elderly Control: A grandparent refuses to speak to grandchildren for not visiting often, guilting them into frequent check-ins.
- Power: Leverages emotional bonds for attention.
18. Village Politics: A sarpanch ignores a villager’s pleas after they supported a rival, coercing political loyalty.
- Power: Wields authority through silence.
19. Teacher-Student Power: A teacher stops addressing a student in class after they miss homework, shaming them into compliance.
- Power: Enforces discipline via exclusion.
20. Landlord-Tenant: A landlord ignores a tenant’s repair requests after a late rent payment, pressuring timely compliance.
- Power: Uses silence to enforce financial control.
IN THE WORKPLACE
21. Boss’s Displeasure: A manager stops giving feedback to an employee after a mistake, creating insecurity until they overcompensate.
- Power: Controls performance through uncertainty.
22. Colleague Jealousy: A coworker stops speaking after another gets a promotion, isolating them until they share perks or praise.
- Power: Manipulates through envy-driven silence.
23. Client Pressure: A shopkeeper ignores a regular customer after they haggle too much, forcing them to pay full price next time.
- Power: Ensures profit through withdrawal.
24. Domestic Help: A homeowner stops talking to a maid after a minor error (e.g., broken dish), making her work harder to regain favor.
- Power: Reinforces employer-employee hierarchy.
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WHY SILENT TREATMENT IS POWERFUL AND ABUSIVE?
- Cultural Weight: In a collectivist society like India, where relationships and social harmony are paramount, being ignored feels like rejection from the group, amplifying emotional distress.
- Power Dynamics: Hierarchical structures (family, caste, gender) make silence a tool to assert dominance without confrontation, exploiting dependency.
- Emotional Impact: The lack of closure or explanation leaves victims confused, self-blaming, and eager to appease, giving the abuser control.
- Normalization: Silent treatment is often seen as “normal” (e.g., “giving the cold shoulder”), masking its abusive nature in everyday interactions.
In these Indian examples, the silent treatment thrives as a subtle yet potent weapon—leveraging cultural values of respect, duty, and community to manipulate and dominate without raising a voice or hand.
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Disclaimer: Grok is not a psychologist; consult a professional for personal advice. Don’t share identifying information.