SELF-HEALING TRAUMA WITH BESSEL VAN DER KOLK
- Madhukar Dama
- Apr 14
- 3 min read
Healing the Body That Keeps the Score
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INTRODUCTION: WHAT IF YOU’RE NOT BROKEN — JUST UNFINISHED?
Trauma is not what happened to you.
It’s what happened inside you when you had no one to hold you, no words to explain it, and no way to release it.
Most people walk around functioning on the outside and fractured on the inside —
Unseen wounds from childhood, loss, violence, abandonment, shame.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, gave the world a new lens:
> “Trauma is not just a memory. It’s a pattern trapped in the body.”
And once you understand that, you can stop blaming yourself — and start healing from the inside out.
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THE LIE WE’RE TOLD ABOUT TRAUMA
You’re told:
“It’s in your head.”
“Just move on.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“That was years ago.”
But trauma doesn’t follow time.
It follows triggers.
Smells, tones, looks, silences —
They can all bring the past crashing back like it never left.
Because your body didn’t forget.
It froze.
And now it’s asking you to thaw.
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HOW TRAUMA LIVES IN THE BODY
Trauma doesn’t just sit in memory.
It lives in:
A clenched jaw
A tight gut
Shallow breath
The way you flinch when someone raises their voice
The way you always keep one eye open, even while laughing
It’s in your nervous system — hijacked into survival mode.
You’re not too sensitive.
You’re stuck in defense.
That’s not weakness — it’s brilliance.
Your body learned to survive.
Now it’s time to teach it how to feel safe again.
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BESSEL’S CORE PRINCIPLES FOR HEALING TRAUMA
Dr. van der Kolk emphasizes that talk alone isn’t enough.
Trauma must be healed through the body, connection, and safe re-experiencing.
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1. SAFETY FIRST
No healing without safety.
Your body must feel safe here and now — not just be told it is.
> “The greatest source of healing is feeling safe with another human being.”
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2. BODY AWARENESS
Yoga, dance, breathwork, and movement reconnect you to your body.
You learn to inhabit yourself again, gently, without panic.
> “Trauma survivors often live as if they have no body. Reconnection is everything.”
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3. MINDFULNESS & STILLNESS
Meditation, body scans, and gentle observation help slow down the storm inside.
> “If you can notice it, you don’t have to be ruled by it.”
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4. EMOTIONAL RECOGNITION
You begin naming the unspoken: grief, rage, terror, longing.
Naming creates distance — and space to breathe.
> “Trauma blocks language. Healing restores voice.”
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5. SAFE RE-EXPERIENCING
Through guided therapy (like EMDR, somatic experiencing, or neurofeedback), you gently revisit trauma without reliving it.
> “We don’t need to remember everything. But the body must know: it’s over.”
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TRAUMA HEALING IS NOT LINEAR — IT’S CYCLICAL
You will feel better.
Then worse.
Then numb.
Then free.
Then confused again.
This is not failure.
This is integration.
You are stitching the pieces of yourself back together —
with breath, movement, tears, and courage.
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A DAY OF GENTLE TRAUMA RECOVERY (INSPIRED BY VAN DER KOLK)
Morning
Place your hand on your chest and breathe
Stretch or do 10 minutes of body scan meditation
Say aloud: “I am safe now. I am here.”
Midday
Take breaks to notice your breath
Eat slowly, sensing flavor and texture
Journal how your body is feeling — no analysis, just sensing
Evening
Gentle yoga or a walk without distraction
Light a candle or hold something soft — engage comfort
End with this affirmation:
“I am learning to feel without fear. I belong to this moment.”
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THE REAL GOAL: WHOLENESS, NOT FORGETTING
Healing doesn’t mean erasing the past.
It means taking the weight off the memory
so it no longer decides who you are.
You’ll still remember.
But it won’t burn.
It won’t trap.
It will be a scar — not a wound.
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A BRUTAL SUMMARY QUOTE
> *“You’re not too emotional. You’re too abandoned by understanding.
Your triggers aren’t weakness — they’re the body’s way of saying:
‘Please don’t leave me alone with this again.’”
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