NAME IT RIGHT, OR BLEED FOREVER
- Madhukar Dama
- 42 minutes ago
- 8 min read
— How Misnaming Your Pain Keeps You Trapped Forever
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Words are tools.
Words are mirrors.
Words are bridges.
If you don’t have the right word,
you can’t describe your wound.
And if you can’t describe it —
you can’t see it,
you can’t share it,
you can’t stop it.
Most people suffer not because their pain is too big —
but because it is misnamed, mislabeled, and misunderstood.
This essay exposes how millions stay trapped in guilt, shame, confusion, helplessness, and silence
just because they never learned the real word for what they’re going through.
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1. YOU CALL IT LAZINESS — BUT IT’S BURNOUT
You say: “I’m lazy. I can’t focus. I just lie around.”
But your body is not lazy. It’s overloaded, overstimulated, depleted.
Correct word: Burnout.
Exhaustion caused by prolonged stress, emotional overextension, or helplessness.
Example:
A mother of two calls herself lazy because she can't keep up with housework — but she’s been emotionally drained for years without rest.
Natural healing:
Daily 30-minute silent rest without guilt or screens
Reintroduce weekly fasting from obligations (not just food)
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2. YOU CALL IT OVERTHINKING — BUT IT’S ANXIETY
You say: “I overthink everything. I can’t stop my thoughts.”
But what you’re really feeling is anxiety — the mind trying to control the future out of fear.
Correct word: Anxiety.
Uncertainty looping inside your nervous system.
Example:
A man keeps revisiting old conversations in his head.
He thinks he’s overthinking — but he’s actually terrified of being rejected and doesn't know how to soothe his fear.
Natural healing:
Deep belly breathing for 10 minutes each morning
Walking barefoot on soil or grass daily to ground the nervous system
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3. YOU CALL IT LOVE — BUT IT’S CONTROL
You say: “I just want to protect them. I care too much.”
But you're micromanaging, dictating, manipulating.
Correct word: Control.
Fear disguised as care.
Example:
A father who chooses every decision for his daughter — friends, clothes, hobbies — believes he’s being a good dad.
But he’s actually projecting his own insecurities onto her life.
Natural healing:
Practice “detachment walks” — leave the phone, leave others, just walk alone daily
Write down what you cannot control and burn the paper weekly
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4. YOU CALL IT RESPECT — BUT IT’S FEAR
You say: “I don’t speak against my parents. I respect them.”
But you’re terrified of confrontation.
Correct word: Fear.
Avoiding truth to keep the illusion of peace.
Example:
An adult who allows emotional blackmail from their mother, but calls it "respect for elders."
Natural healing:
Speak one hard truth per week, respectfully but without self-erasure
Roleplay small boundary-setting conversations in a mirror
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5. YOU CALL IT SACRIFICE — BUT IT’S SUPPRESSION
You say: “I’ve given up everything for this family.”
But inside, you’re bitter, exhausted, resentful.
Correct word: Suppression.
Unacknowledged needs turned inward.
Example:
A wife who quit her job, gave up friendships, and now feels invisible — but keeps saying it’s her “duty.”
Natural healing:
Journal your unmet needs daily — without judging them
Create a “desire day” once a month where you do only what you want
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6. YOU CALL IT FRIENDSHIP — BUT IT’S EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCY
You say: “We’re so close, we share everything.”
But without them, you feel worthless.
Correct word: Codependency.
Your identity is built on their attention.
Example:
You can’t say no to a friend without guilt — because you’re afraid of being abandoned.
Natural healing:
Spend one entire day alone without phone communication
Practice saying “no” to small requests without explaining
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7. YOU CALL IT STRENGTH — BUT IT’S EMOTIONAL NUMBING
You say: “I’m strong. Nothing affects me.”
But you haven’t cried in years, and your body is stiff with tension.
Correct word: Numbing.
You’re disconnected from feeling — not stronger than it.
Example:
A man who never talks about loss and jokes through pain — while suffering digestive issues and chronic fatigue.
Natural healing:
Daily five-minute check-in: “What did I feel today?” Write it or say it aloud
Allow tears to come — watching sad movies, listening to old songs if needed
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8. YOU CALL IT KINDNESS — BUT IT’S PEOPLE-PLEASING
You say: “I just want to help.”
But you say yes to everyone, even when it destroys you.
Correct word: People-pleasing.
Fear of rejection dressed as generosity.
Example:
A woman who helps relatives financially but resents them later — unable to set limits.
Natural healing:
Pause before every yes: “Do I really want this?”
Practice disappointing one person each week without guilt
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9. YOU CALL IT MARRIAGE — BUT IT’S MUTUAL DEPENDENCY
You say: “We’ve been together for 20 years.”
But you don’t talk, don’t feel safe, don’t grow.
Correct word: Emotional stagnation.
Two people using each other to avoid aloneness.
Example:
A couple who hasn’t had an honest conversation in years — yet fear divorce more than deadness.
Natural healing:
Initiate a 30-minute “truth time” with your partner once a week
Spend solo time to rediscover what you like, outside the relationship
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10. YOU CALL IT FAMILY VALUES — BUT IT’S CONTROL, FEAR, AND SHAME
You say: “In our family, we follow culture.”
But your family suppresses choice, imposes roles, and rewards silence.
Correct word: Collective emotional manipulation.
Example:
Daughters forced to marry early. Sons discouraged from expressing grief. All justified in the name of “values.”
Natural healing:
Journal your real feelings after every family event — don’t censor
Secretly practice living 1 truth your family would disapprove of (harmless but freeing)
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11. YOU CALL IT GUILT — BUT IT’S PROGRAMMED DUTY
You say: “I feel guilty when I rest.”
But it’s not guilt — it’s indoctrination.
Correct word: Internalised conditioning.
You were trained to feel unworthy of rest.
Example:
A student feels guilty for not studying even on Sundays — because productivity became their worth.
Natural healing:
Take guilt-free naps during the day once a week
Write letters to your inner child telling them they deserve ease
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12. YOU CALL IT FAILURE — BUT IT’S REDIRECTION
You say: “I failed. I couldn’t complete it.”
But you were being pulled away from something false.
Correct word: Course correction.
Example:
Someone drops out of college, feels like a disgrace — but years later realises they escaped a system that was never meant for them.
Natural healing:
Reflect weekly: “What did this moment protect me from?”
Maintain a “non-achievement” diary: meaningful things that brought peace, not success
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13. YOU CALL IT YOUR FAULT — BUT IT’S UNHEALED TRAUMA
You say: “I attract bad people. I ruin things.”
But you’re still living patterns shaped by childhood pain.
Correct word: Trauma repetition.
Example:
A woman chooses emotionally unavailable partners again and again — thinking she’s cursed.
Natural healing:
Trace patterns back to early life and speak them aloud to someone safe
Create new scripts: “What I deserved then vs. what I choose now”
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14. YOU CALL IT DESTINY — BUT IT’S UNQUESTIONED BELIEF
You say: “This is how life is. It was meant to be.”
But you’ve never paused to ask: Is that true?
Correct word: Learned helplessness.
Example:
A man stuck in a job he hates, who never questions why he stays — because “that’s life.”
Natural healing:
Do one unfamiliar, small thing weekly (new food, new walk route, new book)
Practice asking for what you want — out loud, even if just to the mirror
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WHY THIS MATTERS:
Words are frameworks for clarity.
The wrong word = wrong solution = continued pain.
When you name something wrongly,
you fix the wrong layer.
You argue with shadows.
You give medicine to identity wounds.
You meditate when you should be grieving.
You stay loyal when you should be running.
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SO WHAT’S THE WAY OUT?
Name it right.
Don’t say “I’m lazy.” Say, “I’m overwhelmed.”
Don’t say “I’m just nice.” Say, “I’m afraid of rejection.”
Don’t say “That’s how things are.” Say, “That’s what I was taught — and I never questioned it.”
Don’t say “I deserve this.” Say, “I haven’t healed enough to believe I deserve more.”
Don’t say “I moved on.” Say, “I skipped grieving.”
Don’t say “It’s love.” Say, “It’s dependency.”
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CLOSING:
The first step to healing is to name your wound properly.
Don’t decorate it.
Don’t spiritualise it.
Don’t adjust to it.
Name it right — or bleed forever.
Because clarity isn’t just power.
It’s liberation.
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“YOU CALLED IT LOVE. IT WAS A CAGE.”
— Or How Misnaming Your Pain Keeps You Bleeding Quietly
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you called it love.
but you never breathed near your own truth.
you called it duty.
but it was self-erasure with good lighting.
you called it peace.
but you were swallowing your voice every day
and calling it maturity.
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you called it strength
but you hadn't cried in 19 years.
you called it friendship
but you were addicted to not being abandoned.
you called it ambition
but it was fear of stopping.
you called it respect
but you couldn’t say one honest thing to your father.
you called it sacrifice
but you never knew what joy tasted like.
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you called it destiny
but you never said no to your fate.
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you thought if you kept smiling,
they’d call you good.
and they did.
but no one saw you bleeding out in the bathroom.
no one saw how you offered parts of yourself
like free samples
hoping someone would finally say,
“you don’t need to do this anymore.”
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you used the wrong words.
and that’s how your wounds became furniture.
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you called your burnout laziness.
so you punished yourself for not performing pain well enough.
you called your anxiety overthinking.
so you tried to meditate instead of scream.
you called your numbness strength.
so you clapped at yourself
while your soul sat in a corner, shivering.
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you were dying inside
but too fluent in politeness
to interrupt the program.
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you called your people-pleasing kindness.
but deep inside, you hated them
for taking what you never offered honestly.
you said,
“i'm just nice like that.”
but your stomach knew the lie
long before your mouth caught up.
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you said,
“i had no choice.”
but you never questioned the script.
you said,
“this is how life is.”
but life tried to shake you —
you just kept rearranging the labels.
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you gave your wounds spiritual names.
you called betrayal “a test.”
you called emptiness “detachment.”
you called fear “intuition.”
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you turned your therapist into a shrine
but never spoke the real word:
“rage.”
or “shame.”
or “i want to disappear.”
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truth is a scalpel.
but you used a sticker.
so you kept bleeding
beneath beautiful affirmations.
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you thought you were healing.
you were just renaming the wound
in prettier fonts.
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healing begins
when you say it:
“i hate this.”
“i’m scared.”
“i lied.”
“i’m not okay.”
“i want out.”
not when you become
a better, quieter, shinier version
of the one who suffered silently.
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you must name it
with the word that burns.
or bleed forever
in polite, smiling agony.
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don’t call it a misunderstanding
when it was abandonment.
don’t call it being tired
when it’s spiritual starvation.
don’t call it forgiveness
if you're still flinching inside.
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the wrong name
is a locked door.
the right name
is the key you buried
in your own throat.
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name it right.
or spend a lifetime
decorating your prison.
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