IF YOU CANNOT LOVE BOREDOM, YOU CANNOT LOVE ANYBODY
- Madhukar Dama
- 20 hours ago
- 8 min read
Because boredom is not the absence of love — it is where love matures.
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INTRODUCTION
People believe love is tested by suffering, crisis, distance, or conflict.
But the real test of love comes in boredom —
not the painful kind, but the slow kind.
The repetition. The uneventfulness. The sameness. The silence.
The long hours where nothing happens, and yet you are still together.
Boredom is not a flaw in life.
It is a feature of reality.
It is how seasons pass, how babies grow, how old age arrives.
If you cannot love boredom —
you will not stay with a child,
you will not stay with a partner,
you will not care for an aging parent,
you will not remain with yourself.
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WHAT IS BOREDOM REALLY?
Boredom is not laziness.
It is not the lack of something to do.
It is the inner discomfort when nothing new or stimulating is happening.
But love is not new every day.
It is not thrilling.
It does not shout or sparkle.
Love is repetition.
It is the same rice cooked every night.
The same child asking the same question.
The same partner walking the same path beside you.
It is boring — and sacred.
Those who cannot love boredom, cannot love presence.
They only love excitement, novelty, and drama.
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THE SILENT ESCAPE FROM RELATIONSHIPS
Most betrayals do not happen during conflict.
They happen during peace.
Not when things go wrong, but when nothing is happening.
People don’t flee relationships because they’re hurt.
They flee because they’re bored.
But they won’t admit it.
So they say things like:
“I need space.”
“We’ve grown apart.”
“I’m not excited anymore.”
“Something’s missing.”
What’s missing is their ability to cherish silence.
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BOREDOM IS THE WOMB OF LOVE
Love is not born from fireworks.
It is born in stillness.
It matures in silence.
A mother grinding grain beside her child, humming softly.
A couple watching dusk settle, speaking no words.
An old friend coming every Sunday, just to sit.
A disciple sweeping the same floor every morning for years.
These are not dull lives.
They are full of quiet loyalty, the deepest kind of love.
To love boredom is to say:
“I don’t need something new from you to stay with you.”
“I am not here to be entertained.”
“I want your presence, even if it repeats.”
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RELATIONSHIP BY RELATIONSHIP — BOREDOM REVEALS EVERYTHING
1. Parent and Child
A bored parent gives the child a screen.
They avoid long questions, slow walks, repeated drawings.
But a child needs your presence, not your energy.
If you cannot love that still presence, you will always look for escape.
2. Husband and Wife / Couples
When the thrill fades, many claim “we’re incompatible.”
But real compatibility is shown in how you sit through sameness.
Boredom becomes unbearable only for those who thought love = excitement.
3. Siblings
Without a shared activity, many siblings stop calling.
But those who can sit beside each other with no agenda stay close for life.
Shared boredom = lifelong comfort.
4. Friends
Some friendships end when fun ends.
Others survive in silence, long walks, quiet support.
If you cannot enjoy being bored with someone, it’s not friendship.
5. Child to Parent
As parents age, their stories repeat.
Their pace slows. Their world shrinks.
If you cannot love this boredom, you will treat them like a burden.
True care means embracing their slow rhythm.
6. Guru and Disciple
When teachings repeat and the magic fades, the fake seeker leaves.
But the true one stays. Sweeps the ashram. Waits through silence.
Because truth doesn’t come through intensity — it comes through stillness.
7. With Self
Most people can’t sit alone without distraction.
They keep moving — not forward, but away.
If you cannot love your own stillness, you cannot meet yourself.
8. With Nature
Nature moves slowly.
Crops take months. Rivers flow quietly. Trees grow inch by inch.
Loving nature means loving boredom — or you will destroy it in search of thrill.
9. With God
Many pray for results, for signs, for miracles.
When God is silent, they call it absence.
But silence is presence — only those who love boredom can receive it.
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BOREDOM IS NOT THE ENEMY
Boredom doesn’t destroy love.
It reveals whether love was ever there.
Those who only stayed for stimulation leave when silence comes.
Those who came for presence — they remain.
Phones, drama, shopping, gossip, rituals — these are ways of killing boredom.
But when you kill boredom, you kill bonding.
The most sacred moments happen between events —
in the invisible spaces of nothingness.
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CONCLUSION
To love boredom is to love truth.
To love repetition is to love rhythm.
To love silence is to love presence.
If you cannot love boredom,
you will slowly leave everyone who cannot entertain you.
Your child. Your partner. Your parent. Yourself.
Love is not what you do when you’re excited.
Love is what you don’t do when you’re bored.
And if you can’t love boredom —
you will never know what love really feels like.
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Here is a huge, slow-burn healing dialogue between Madhukar the Hermit and a middle-class couple from Bidar, both trapped in endless distractions and now facing deep marital conflict. They have confused love with stimulation and now feel suffocated in each other’s presence. The dialogue shows how unmanaged boredom silently ruined their bond.
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HEALING DIALOGUE: “WHERE THERE’S NOTHING, WE RUN”
A couple in crisis meets Madhukar after 15 years of escaping silence
Characters
Madhukar – 43-year-old healer, former scientist, lives off-grid with his wife and two daughters.
Vinay – 41, bank officer in Bidar. Feels emotionally drained and restless at home.
Sahana – 39, B.Ed. graduate, homemaker, addicted to social media and YouTube devotionals.
Married for 17 years, parents to a teenage son.
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[Scene: Under a banyan tree outside Madhukar’s forest home. The couple sits awkwardly. They’ve barely spoken on the way here.]
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Madhukar: You’ve both travelled far. Why?
Vinay (tense): We are tired. Of everything. Of each other. We fight without reason. Or don’t speak for days.
Sahana (half-defensive): He sits glued to mobile news. I watch bhajans. Cooking videos. Neither of us care anymore.
Madhukar: And when did that begin?
Vinay: After the child started school. After responsibilities settled. After everything became... routine.
Madhukar (nodding): After boredom entered.
(Silence)
Sahana (murmuring): We thought boredom meant something was wrong with the marriage.
Vinay: We tried vacations. Bought a TV. Joined temple groups. New furniture. Fast internet. Nothing worked.
Madhukar: You didn’t try silence.
Vinay: Silence? That’s when we feel the worst.
Madhukar: Because silence is the truth.
When your child is sleeping. When food is cooked. When the fan hums and the world pauses—
what’s left between you two is your real marriage.
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Sahana (whispers): And in those moments, we have nothing. No laughter. No touch. No curiosity.
Madhukar: That’s not failure. That’s reality.
But you both assumed silence means failure.
So you filled it with reels, festivals, and fantasy.
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Vinay (suddenly angry): But what’s wrong with trying to feel alive?
Madhukar: Nothing.
But you didn’t feel alive.
You felt stimulated.
And the more you depended on stimulation, the less alive you felt with each other.
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Sahana: He stopped even looking at me.
Vinay: And she stopped being present. Always busy watching something. Even while chopping onions.
Madhukar: You both were escaping.
Not each other.
But the boredom inside yourselves.
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Sahana (tearful): Then what is love?
Isn’t it joy, closeness, interest?
Madhukar: That’s what love looks like.
But love itself is your willingness to stay through boredom.
To sit in a room with someone for hours, with no entertainment—
and still feel peace.
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Vinay: We don’t even eat together anymore. I eat fast and scroll. She watches devotional channels while chewing.
Madhukar: When eating becomes boredom, nothing in your marriage will feel sacred again.
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Sahana: But how do we return? We’re too used to distraction now.
Madhukar: You return one still hour at a time.
Don’t talk. Don’t fix.
Just sit beside each other.
On the terrace.
In the kitchen.
Near the window.
Don’t touch your phone.
Don’t fill the gap.
Let the silence show you what still remains.
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Vinay (voice softer): What if there’s nothing left?
Madhukar: If you truly sit, without trying to escape,
you will either find ashes — or fire beneath.
But unless you sit, you’ll never know.
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Sahana (gently): I miss him, even when he’s next to me.
Madhukar: That’s because you’re sitting next to his body. Not his presence.
You’ve both become shadows in the same house.
To return, you must call back your presence from wherever you scattered it —
the phone, the temple, the newsfeed, the TV.
---
Vinay (whispers): And if we fail?
Madhukar: Then you will at least part in truth, not confusion.
But I believe you won’t fail.
You’re not broken.
You’re just overstimulated.
Your love didn’t die.
It’s waiting beneath the boredom you feared.
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[Long silence. The couple sits still. For once, they don’t look at each other with blame — but as co-survivors of a long war against silence.]
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Madhukar (smiling): Your child doesn’t need a happy couple.
He needs two still people,
who have learned not to escape boredom —
but to love it, together.
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FOLLOW-UP: THREE MONTHS & TWELVE MONTHS LATER
THREE MONTHS LATER
The first two weeks were miserable.
They tried sitting together every evening as Madhukar suggested. On the terrace. On the kitchen step. On the bed.
But they felt more like strangers than ever.
No conversation flowed. No sparks returned. Just long stretches of awkward silence.
Sahana kept reaching for her phone. Vinay kept fidgeting.
But every time they escaped, they remembered Madhukar’s words—
“You’re not broken. You’re overstimulated.”
So they returned to the silence again. And again.
Then something strange happened in the third week.
One evening, Sahana peeled a guava and silently handed Vinay a piece without looking at him.
He took it and smiled—also silently.
It was the first moment of wordless ease in years.
After that, they began noticing each other’s movements.
How he cleared his throat before drinking water.
How she folded the clothes slower than usual.
By week six, they started sitting without checking the clock.
They didn’t talk much.
But they stopped avoiding each other.
They also started eating together — on the floor, without screens.
The food tasted no different, but the silence was no longer heavy.
It was warm.
Their son, who had become used to parents lost in their own worlds, began sitting with them again.
One day, he said:
“Why is it so quiet? It feels nice.”
That evening, nobody touched their phones.
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TWELVE MONTHS LATER
The couple now lives a completely different life.
Not dramatic.
Just deeply ordinary — and real.
They rise early and go for walks — not for weight loss, but to greet the stillness of morning.
They’ve planted a tiny garden in their narrow backyard.
Vinay sits beside the curry leaves every Sunday.
Sahana hums while watering the jasmine.
They don’t speak much.
But they listen deeply now — not just to each other, but to the rhythm of life around them.
The sound of boiling rice. The silence between dusk and night. The sigh of their son while he sleeps.
Their arguments have reduced.
When one of them feels triggered, they pause. They don’t escalate.
They let the boredom settle between them instead of flinging words.
Their phones still exist. But they are now tools, not addictions.
Vinay cancelled his newspaper subscription.
Sahana removed all spiritual channels from her feed.
They still use YouTube — but mostly to learn how to make compost and chutney.
Most importantly—
They’ve fallen in love again.
Not the exciting kind.
Not the poetic kind.
But the kind that watches each other in silence and says,
“Even if nothing happens for the rest of our lives, I am glad it is with you.”
They recently visited Madhukar again.
This time, they didn’t come with pain.
They brought fruits from their garden, a packet of homemade ragi laddoos, and no words.
They simply sat.
Madhukar smiled.
And said,
“You’ve finally understood.
Love is not what you say or do.
Love is how long you can sit together in silence, without needing to escape.”
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